First of all, let me say that I've had a history of depression and anxiety before and still do. I currently take 25mg for sertraline. And now this situation is making it worse.
So I've yet to find a stable full time job after graduating 8 months ago. I switched careers slightly right after graduating, I have a degree in B.A in geography with a 3.615 GPA but with no luck finding a job related to that field I switched my career path to horticulture, which is not all that different from each other. But anyways, so I got a position at a botanical garden as an intern and it was a 5 month program so I worked through all the 5 months. Then they asked me if I can still work there to sell tickets to visitors until the garden closes in November. I make $15/hr here so thats decent but its only temporary. So after November I won't have any job. Well there is one place I can go back to where I used to work but that company only pays minimum wage($8.38/hr). So basically I have no path to go. I've applied to tons of gardening/horticultural jobs but no luck. I've always loved nature. Which is why I took geography as my major so I could learn more about the environment but its only after college that I realized that my favorite aspect in nature is plants. They are so calming and relaxing and I thought this would be a good way to naturally deal with my anxiety and depression without having to deal with meds all my life.
When I see other people having stable jobs and incomes, it just makes me sick. Why does everyone else have a good job but not me? I've done so much. I have two relevant internship experiences, I also worked part-time for 2 and a half years, I worked hard in college and somehow was able to achieve a 3.165 GPA and graduated a semester early. I'm already 22 years old and out of college.. yet I feel like a loser still working part time. I'm also depressed because I have no special skills.. I suck at computers, I'm horrible at communicating and my interpersonal skills are so bad. I also forget a lot and terrible at following directions and have no common sense. You're probably thinking that I have no hope in life and that I should just give up right. Well thats ok, I know that as well. I would be ending my life if it wasn't for my caring girlfriend.