I am so tired of giving my all only to make those critical mistakes that mean it was all for nothing. I screw up in everythinhpg I do and was mobbed out of my last job by colleagues who screamed and scolded daily, telling me what an incompetent person I am. After that I got fired and have been looking for work but couldn't find many positins. But I found the perfect position today, my dream job, the first one I have seen like this in almost a whole year. deadline today. For the first time, I felt hapot be ause Zi know I can do this job really well. So I spent the whole day preparing. But then something horribble happened... I lost my file at the last minute due to some technical error...it just vanished....had to rewrite it all from memory in five minutes before the deadline. Got it in a minute before. But after sending, I saw to my horror two major typos that will immediately disqualify me (it's an editing job), rendering my efforts worthless and deflating all my hopes. It feels like the gods are against me. why didmy computer have to sawllow this file, exactly now? I am so stupid. What is wrong with me? This exact same thing hapoened last week with the second best job offer i have seen to date, which totally crushed me. What kind of idiot makes the same mistake twice? I just feel worhtless and stupid. I will never be abke to do anything right, no matter how hard I try. It is hopeless. I am trying my hardest and still keep falling on my face, over and iver,. at things everyone else can do just fine. I hate myself, my life, everything. there is no point anymore, it's already over and I already missed the boat. In ten years i am supposed to retire but i don't have any savings or even a job. I just want to lie down and die. seeing a therapist but it doesn't really help.
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