depression

Hi I'm new here soo please bare with me, I'm phil, 40 years old, from north east England, I'm a dad of 3 children, 14, 7 and 5 years old, to keep this short for now ive suffered with depression for years, I hate admitting this to anyone, but ive been through mental health, cognitive behavioural therapy and dozens of different tablets, no matter where I am I always feel like theres a dark cloud looming overhead making my days feel so dull, I made the biggest mistake ever 6 weeks ago I walked out on my family, ((yep you read that correctly)) I walked out on my beautiful fiancée and 3 little devils, that is a regret that is going too haunt me forever.

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  • Hello Phil. Welcome, I'm sorry you need us ,but happy to meet you. I'm a little confused are we talking about 6 kids or 3 ? Are they yours' and your fiancée's or hers and you feel like they are yours too? Do you want to go back, can you? She must be very hurt. You only need to share what you're comfortable with, but I'm wondering why. Does she know you're depressed? Give me some more information and we can talk. I know you're hurting too. Pam

  • Hello Phil. Welcome.

    Pam has asked some good questions of you. So where are you currently staying? Do you have a support network around you? Was your fiancée supportive?

    Do you know what sets off your dark moods? There's generally always a reason but having said that, sometimes, just sometimes there isn't.

    The fact that you've left the family home - for now - doesn't actually need to "haunt you". Make a commitment to heal whatever is burdening you and then at some point you can actually return to the family home.

    Please don't hate admitting you have depression. MANY people have it. It needs to be discussed openly with people you trust.

    We're pretty much a supportive bunch here so if you need to vent and get support ... You've found the right place.

    Wishing you peace of mind.

  • Hi Phil, I'm extremely sorry to hear about the pain you're going through. One thing you must remember is that it is never too late to change. You seem to identify yourself with the depression and imply that it is who you are. It is not YOUR depression, it is simply a way the body feels. Disassociate thought with it defining who you are.

    The top things to do to turn your life around are (and I'm sure you've heard it many time) are to:

    Keep a healthy diet

    Exercise

    Talk to people

    Meditate

    Stop associating your thoughts with your body. Just view your thoughts externally as something that is just happening and observe them. Stop the thought translating into feeling by not identifying yourself with them. There is extreme power in being passive, present to the moment and just observing.

    I wish you all the best on your journey! Be consistent and you will get to the place you want to be :)

  • Hi Phil

    Sorry to hear that you are going through this.

    Not a long one from me and pretty much echoing Pam.

    Basically is it too late to go back?

    It is easy when in a depressive state to make big decisions that are wrong and then feel that they are final. 6 weeks is not long, 6 years and it might have been a different story. You obviously seem to have realised that it was the wrong decision so you need for yourself and your family to put it back together. I can't imagine how hard that will be and how much pain will be involved for everybody, but ultimately it sounds worth it.

    If I have read it wrong then I apologise.

    Also when it comes to treatments, yes it can feel like you have tried it all, I gave up on therapy for 15 years because I had a bad experience with a counsellor (again that decision had tried, failed and couldn't go back). I am now seeing someone very different and am more positive about it than ever before (although this is the most difficult time of my life).

    I really hope that you can get a bit of clarity, understand what is best and work toward it. We on here will be more than happy to listen and give a few pointers if we feel we can.

    All the best, Matt

  • Hi Phil so sorry you are suffering in this way please talk to us it does help to share. I can only echo above please talk to your fiance you need a network of support and the more open and honest you are about your feelings is the first step forward.

  • Hi Phil I had left my partner last year for 8 months I have a lovely 5 year old but I worried about paying bills etc and my partner has a child with learning difficulties so I thought it would be the best to leave so I would not have all the pressures on me. It was the hardest time of my life I went on anti deps but I did all this while talking to my partner so it was a joint decision.does your partner know your depressed feelings etc I am now married moving house and in a new job I'm still with my partner it's been hard but you need to talk I know fight or flight is built into our Dna.i hope you get things back on track never give up ther is light at the end of that tunnel good luck for the future.

  • Hi Phil, ur not alone .... I no that feeling too well. My mental health was used against me. I can say 3 yrs later my mental health is even worse. If ur partner understands mental health and that is the reason why u left, it's still early days to try and work things out. We are all here for u if u need to talk. We can only give u our advice, the end decision is urs. I wish u well over the next few days and remember we are here.

    Kind regards

    Claire

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