Now in a phased return at work. Depression is crushing and suicidal thoughts just keep coming again and again. I have gone from not sleeping to sleeping too much to block things out but wake up tired. This episode after the extreme symptoms of the two weeks I was off work has lasted nearly two months now and is wearing me out.
Trying to do activities and not isolate myself but it feels like my brain is fighting me all the way. I can live with depression and anxiety but not at this level for so long, I know that there are people far worse off than me, this makes me feel worse.
The sun is shining outside and it is beautiful, I just wish I could enjoy the moment.
Going to the doctors on Friday and will see about increasing sertraline to 100mg but am worried that will make me more tired.
I suppose the one positive that I can feel is that earlier I would say 'I want my life back', I now realise that I want something better and need to believe that I deserve it.
Sorry for the dispair guys, just needed to reach out.