I've not posted before and not spoken to many friends or family about how I feel. I've been feeling so low now for maybe 3 years but the last year has been horrible and the last month I've felt so depressed I can barely get out of bed.
I am a 28 yr old single male with no kids. I have lost contact with most of my friends due to not wanting to speak to anybody, I hardly speak to my family and am too ashamed to talk to a doctor. I have had 2 operations on my tail bone in the past year (3 in total) due to a seriously bad abscess which I am still having major issues with. I haven't been to work in nearly two weeks (due to my abscess playing up at first and now depression has really hit me causing me to take further time off)
I use to be really active playing sports for teams and going to the gym, I was about to join the navy but was unable to due to my abscess and I also lost my job a few months back forcing me to take a minimum wage job with an agency until I get back on my feet.
Due to my operations and being out of work for a month between jobs I lost a lot of money and have had to borrow from my mum every month to get by.
I don't consider my situation to be even half as bad as some peoples yet I feel like I am trapped in a deep hole and I am struggling to pick myself back up, in the past I have started to move forward only to be knocked back down by this horrible abscess in the most annoying place possible.
I'd say I have spent at least 75% of the past two weeks in bed and I'd rather sleep the day away and block out the world than get up to do the most simple things in life.
I don't want to eat ( lost over 2 stone in the last year), I'm anxious to even go to the shop, lost all confidence in myself and I feel like a burden to people when I'm not my normal self.
I'm not sure what I am asking for right now, i just feel I needed to post this. I know a lot of people will tell me that talking to somebody can help but what if I cannot open to anybody? Nobody should have to hear about my depressing problems, plus I feel like anytime somebody is trying to help me they just say the same old things that anybody would say and I always feel like they are patronizing me.
There is so much more I feel I could say right now but I think the rest of it may be in my head. It's 5am and I should've starting work in 1 hr but I haven't been to sleep tonight as I spent yesterday lying around in bed hiding away from the world again. Another unpaid day that will make me even more anxious, how can I work when all I will want to do is lock myself in the toilets and curl up into a ball.