I think I have had a breakdown :(

[janebeth]

11 years ago I lost my eldest son to SADS and have suffered from bouts of depression ever since. My youngest son found him dead and he has been ill almost constantly since with depression and anxiety.

Recently I have found the stress of working more and more difficult to cope with and currently am off work with a prolonged depressive episode. Its been 7 weeks no and I am in no fit state to work yet.

I currently can't see how I am going to get my coping self back and life feels very bleak

I am looking for some re-assurance that other people have been through similiar and come out the other side.

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm so very sorry for your loss, I can understand how awful this has been for you and your son!

I have lost people I've loved. It is very hard to cope with. The nearest I've suffered to you is loosing babies during pregnancy, but not anywhere near as bad as your loss.

Both my aunts have lost children one in a car accident when he was 20 and the other had a daughter of 26 who had the flu and died in her sleep unexpectedly. That was awful as they had the police in and there were several pms. I really don't know how she coped with it and not being able to burry her for so long. I'm very close to her and my cousin and I still miss her and think of her. My Aunts marriage broke up over it and she joined a spiritualist church and made friends there, I really think that faith has saved her. My other aunt is a strong woman and has five other children and lots gof grandchildren and I think she looks after a lot of them. I think she's just kept herself busy with the family. Their mum my Gran, also lost a baby to spinabiffida and just before my mum was born lost a daughter of five to a throat disease, I forget what it's called. That must have been awful to do nothing and watch her die slowly. She always talked about her and always said she was waiting to see her again, my Gran lived until she was 93 so I do hope they're together now. I like to think of her with them all now.

I do feel for you as it will always be with you and your son. Have you had coucelling or any help from the dr?

Do you have a faith?

Do you have family and friends you can talk to?

All I can say for certain is you never forget and you will always have them in your heart and I'm sure that their spirits surround us.

Please try to get some more help for yourself and your son.

My thoughts are with you both.

Take care, rest, get stronger and then try to tackle the job etc.

Take care and all the very best.