I need some help and advice I guess.So since the age of 15 and at the loss of my grandmother I have suffered from depression and sadly have in the past tried to take my own life in those early years of diagnosis. I also have had unwelcome and repetitive and unwelcome negative thoughts and was diagnosed some 17 years ago with Ocd.as you can probably tell I'm not as young now as back when it all started. But after years of antidepressants I have finally come off them and had Cbt which has been the best thing I've ever had I only wish it was available 30+ years ago
So anyway 9months ago I decided it was time to take my self with the help of my Gp off the antidepressants. So it's been 9 months now I've been off them and was until 2 weeks ago doing great.
Then our world collapsed my eldest daughter was expecting our second grandchild and went for a routine scan at 5 months.
I was working away at the time and my wife my daughters partner and my 4year old grandchild, all went along to see the scan and to find out the sex of the baby was.
I got a phone call that I wouldn't want any parent, grandparents or anyone to get
The hospital couldn't find the babies heartbeat and told us he had died.
I feel completely lost I feel so much pain for my daughter I'm helpless but also feel so selfish as I'm feeling really low
We had the funeral for him last week which was really hard and collected his Ashes yesterday
All I want to do is sleep and can feel myself after doing so so well slipping backwards
Why does this happen to my beautiful lovely daughter
She doesn't smoke never has she even gave up drinking pop and eating rubbish