Bullying

[Iluvhorses]

Hello again as you all know i am now in college. I am having a good time except there are issues with a girl living across from me. We had some conflicts at the beginning and i apologized for everything i needed to be sorry for. But now shes dragging it on by talking behind my back and rudely trying to set me up with another girl to make fun of me. On top of this she put a used condom in front of my door. I went to my RA and we're going to deal with this, but i cant help but wonder why im being bullied? I can see that she lacks confidence and self-esteem (shes fat), but i wonder what it is about me that makes her want to bully me instead of someone else? I thought i was immune to this, but i guess not...

[sweetiepye]

Hi Sweetie, I'm sorry this is happening to you. I don't understand that kind of behavior and I can't imagine doing something like that. She probably is jealous of you and I think you've got her number , low self esteem. I would confront her in a non aggressive but firm way. Otherwise this will go on all year. Always try to put the responsibility on her, asking why she is doing this. This is sick behavior and she is way too old to be indulging in it. You should keep a record of every thing she does and keep your Ra informed. I would think the used condom would be a serious infraction because of health issues if nothing else. It should probably be reported farther up the chain. Don't let this witch pull you down. Let us know how you get on. Cheers from all of us here. Pam

[Hidden]

I agree with just2peachy. Good advice.

When we have had a hard go early in life it can set us up for further trauma in adulthood. I know for me I felt like I had a big sign on my forehead "dump your crap here".

It is important to be assertive and stand up for yourself, and even deeper than that just know that you are worth it, you are enough, you are a great person with a lot of potential and don't deserve to put up with that kind of behaviour.

Think of it this way- for some one to act that way, they are obviously a very unhappy person. It's not about you, it's about them, and when you stand up to them they will just move on and be crappy to some one else. They need it to make themselves feel better. Sad but true.

[BikerChk]

Iluvhorses,

I'm sorry you have a bully disrupting your life--you definitely don't need such an issue after finally settling in!!!

I agree with what has been said--just2peachy and Littletraveller have nailed it.

There is a bright side--I believe you have her pegged with a poor self image and you should have the full support of the RA. It was an extremely juvenile and downright stupid thing with the condom but it works in your favor. Don't allow her to do any more juvenile acts in front of you without asserting that she is in the wrong. Do it nicely--as if you are speaking to a child and this should help you keep calm-- 'she knows no better' idea.

Unfortunately, bullies are everywhere and you are going to encounter other, less transparent ones later in life. Figure out a tactic to end this 'attack' on you with her. Think of her as a 'life lesson'. Don't do anything to annoy her (not that you would) but if it is that she is jealous (which I suspect also) you just need to be direct.

Let us know the outcome (or if anything else occurs)--but don't spend a lot of time thinking about her--she just is not worth it!!

BikerChk

[Kitewe]

I coudn't agree more with all of you, very well said!!