Hi I just joined today and I'm really glad I found this site. I could really use a community of support. I apologize if I ramble, but I'm desperate for someone to listen.
I've been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember, but it has been particularly crippling the last 3 years. During that time I have been going to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I've been on Latuda and Brintellix for about 9 months now. I finally graduated with my master's degree this month and started my first full-time job, and yet I don't feel proud of myself. In fact, I don't have any positive feelings anymore. I know that I should be proud of finishing school and landing a job right away, but I still feel like a failure.
Unfortunately, I don't like my job (I have worked there part-time for the last 3.5 years), but I don't know if I actually don't like it or if it's the depression making me think I don't like it. Part of the problem is that I rarely have anything to do while I'm there which causes my mind to wander. When my mind wanders it goes to terrible places. And yet, when I do have something to do, I can't concentrate. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to focus. The other problem is getting up in the morning. I don't sleep well at night and mornings are really tough for me, so I'm usually late to work. This has me incredibly concerned about my future in my career. I would like to be able to learn new things and be productive at work, but it seems like it is impossible for me to do that.
I took my boss out for coffee so I could explain my concerns. I shared with him my struggle with depression although it's difficult for me to talk about. After our talk I don't feel much better. He told me that everyone struggles with these things and it's nothing to worry about.
Regardless of what he says, I do worry. I worry a lot. So how do you have a successful career when you have depression?