This big, black hole of depression is... - Mental Health Sup...

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This big, black hole of depression is getting harder to get out of...

Lucia80 profile image
4 Replies

My life is falling apart. I dont know who to talk to. I have thoughts of suicide but wouldnt go through w it but sometimes i feel that is how i will end up. Things for me keep getting worse. I am in my mid thirties, i am unemployed, don't drive, in a toxic relationship w a guy who is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. I am with him cos i need help w my bills since i was terminated two wks ago frm my place of employment. I don't ever feel wanted. And i am on meds right now for my Depression and Anxiety and he talks down on them like he is the one taking them. I am about to lose my insurance and just so scared of what will happen if i dont find employment in time. Days are getting worse for me. I dont talk to my family about any of my probs cos i dont want to worry them. I am losing my mind. I cant sleep. I feel unloved and definitely like i said unwanted as well. How am i suppose to look for a job when i am depressed and just dont have the energy to go out and look. I dont know what to do?..

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Lucia80 profile image
Lucia80
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4 Replies

Hello Lucia,

I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation. The first piece of advice I can give you is to talk to your family. It may seem noble not to "bother" them with your problems, but I suspect that they will be more sympathetic and understanding than you expect and might be able to give you some of the support you need.

The second thing I can say is that you need to get out of the toxic relationship you are in... verbal abuse is bad enough, but physical abuse is totally unacceptable. Using the excuse of needing him there to help with the bills is not going to get you anywhere - it just encourages the downward spiral that you are in. He damages your self esteem, you feel unloved and that feeds the depression. If you really can't afford to be on your own could you move in with family or get a lodger? If you are being abused you can go to a shelter.

Although we can't always find a solution there are always good people on this forum that are here for you to talk to and to allow you time to think and re-evaluate.

Take care. Accept a hug and believe that you are not unwanted.

Nath.

Robbie138 profile image
Robbie138

Hi Lucia, I know exactly how you feel, I think when we are hurting we just feel we would be better off out of it, as we can't handle the pain we are experiencing it hurts so much. I do think you have to get out of that relationship it isn't good for you, you are worth more. Try and find someone in the family or friend that can let you stay with them until you get sorted out.( where do you stay uk or ???) I understand about not wanting to worry your family about your circumstances but if you don't, who can help I bet they would be annoyed that you didn't let them know. I would panic about bills too but whose name is on the lease if its yours tackle it now don't let it get worse. if its his just walk away you've paid your dues regarding the abuse you've put up with. can you not go to Dr regards depression ad anxiety I'm sure they will help even giving you something to help you sleep. As for feeling unloved i bet if you open up to family and friends you will be amazed at amount of them that love you, and want to help you. Try finding someone you can trust and that will help you, then take it from their. I hope this helps you a bit and remember your family will always love you. x

mysmugcat profile image
mysmugcat

Feel free to pm me anytime. Do they have a disability adviser at the job centre?

grace111 profile image
grace111

lucia as has been said you should get out of that relationship as its not right to be with someone because you cant pay your bills. perhaps he picks up on that. maybe that is why he treats you badly. i would hate someone to be with me for my money. i would definately know. maybe he talks down on your medication as he feels that he is not making you happy and feels that he should be enough for you. nothing is really black and white. so i would say the starting point is moving out or moving him out.once that hurdle is removed you can then sort the rest out. as long as you are with him nothing is going to get better as your going to be verbally and physicallly abused. i dont suppose the guy feels wanted either. i am just being very honest. when you move away from him you wont be physically abused or verbally and you wont be using someone for their money as that will be causeing guilt somewhere deep inside of you. im an older person and im not critisisizing you as i'v done it myself and it does not go anywhere good. so that will be 3 problems sorted just by leaving him. its true what you give out you recieve back. he is not wanted by you and you dont feel wanted. can you see what im saying. you need a fresh start. we are not here to tell people what to do but i would take a risk and say im telling you what to do. where to start. when you leave him im sure you will feel a huge burden lifted. i think lucia has also given you good advice as you can go to a shelter if you cant bear to be on your own. many of us have felt like this at times in our life and its so easy to make a mistake and stay with people for the wrong reason. i wish you well. you also have your family im sure they would be more hurt and worried knowing how unhappy you are and that you cant turn to them all the best and keep in touch. as we love to know that your feeling better. love and prayers. grace xoxoxo🙏💐

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