Update; Trigger Warning

After posting on here not even a month ago, I'm finding it difficult coming to terms with my mother being a narcissist and it turns out the emotional manipulation may be worse than anticipated as my dad shed light on her behaviour from his experience with her and confirmed that I'm her emotional punching bag. I hate living here so much and I'm really hating my life and I just need to vent because right now I'm feeling very suicidal and lonely. I don't know what to believe anymore about my mum because she says I upset her but I feel like it might be emotional blackmail when I reflect on it. I'm just so confused and have no desire to continue my life, I have no one to talk to.

17 Replies

  • I have nursed narcissistic patients and they can be very demanding and self centred. Do you mind telling me how hold you are?

  • I'm 17

  • Are you at college or school if so you should have a pastoral teacher you could talk too. Have you any relatives you could perhaps stay with for a break. You also need to see your GP to sought out your low mood. Is your mother under mental health services

  • she's being treated for depression so yeah she is. And yes I'm at school but we're out for summer at the moment,all my relatives live 300 miles away. I've been to the GP, I've had counselling and then it expired and I've had drugs too but they didn't work really; the issue is my environment and how it has effected me. This has been going on for years so I think I might have left it too late

  • Hi I am not sure what you mean by it's too late? Too late for what? I agree with the others, take yourself out of the house as much as you can to get away from your mother. Do you have any friends locally? Make some - join a club, get involved with other things and friends will be your support group.

    I know it seems like a long time but it is only a year and you will be surprised how quickly that will pass. You have a long fruitful life in front of you so please don't try and end it for a temporary situation. And it is temporary you know... x

  • I have no friends and I would like to join a club but I'm terrible making friends and I'm really anxious in unknown situations. Everything just feels like too much, I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep but I can't sleep because my thoughts keep me up. Just feel so fed up and have no motivation to do anything anymore.

    When I say it feels like it's too late, I mean that I left it too long before getting help and I've worsened my situation. x

    thanks for replying though x

  • You are welcome. It's never too late as long as long as you do get help you need.. Go and see your doctor as suicidal thoughts are a red flag and need urgent attention.

    I suffered from depression from a very young age and was the scapegoat of my mother in my family too. I finally sought help in my 20's so it is never too late. Please don't do anything silly as you have your whole life ahead of you. Bev x

  • Try phoning me cap I know they sometimes have social nights etc. You might find people with similar problems and also get some support. Please please go back to your GP there are loads of drugs and another one might work

  • Sorry that should say mencap

  • Exercise can be wonderful if you can bring yourself to do it. There are often running clubs for girls only that offer a very supportive environment. Exercise can be far more effective than medication and of course ruminating about your situation makes things much worse, particularly if you have to come home to it every day and be reminded.

    Do you have plans to go away to university to look forward to?

    You are young and can change all this but need to stop all the thinking and get into your life (my opinion)


  • I know how distressing this is, my sister is one and she has affected me so badly in my life in the end my therapist suggested I split for her and I did only then did my mind find some calm. everything was my fault and don't matter what I did it was never enough for her, it is not you it is her my therapist said we do not see Narcissiistic patients in therapy we see their victims.. good luck x

  • I understand this completely, I think the hardest part of the recovery process is coming to terms with the idea that someone you loves would wilfully make you feel so awful; it's nice to here from people in the same boat! I don't feel insane :) Thanks for replying x

  • Please go and see your GP and get some help from a specialist.

    You can talk to them and get help!

    Please life can be hard, confusing and cruel, we all need help at times. Don't give up, because you are important and you need to ask for help and go forward with that help to live your life your way.

    There is light at the end of the tunnel!

    I do hope that you get help.

    Good luck and best wishes.

  • Hi there anonww9,

    I really do sympathise with all of this, this sort of thing can be really hard to try and process and deal with. I totally agree with the person who suggested exercise. It can be a real struggle to do but you feel so much better after having done it. It can be very therapeutic to lose yourself in a workout and/or a good audiobook or song etc - whatever you want. It can also be more helpful than drugs, although if your healthcare provider wants you to take drugs, listen to them.

    What people have said about a club or similar group is also a great idea. However I understand the anxiety in new situations and the difficulty making friends, I have similar issues. The only advice I have for dealing with that is perhaps join a club where there's a lot more doing or talking about the task than there is having to talk in a 'socialising and trying to make friends' way. That sounds counter-intuitive, but I've found that for me it's less awkward and more enjoyable, and you do make friends eventually as you get used to people and what you're doing, it just takes a bit longer.

    One other thing I wanted to add was this website: buzzfeed.com/anjalipatel/so...

    It's intended more for exam stress relief, but I hope there's a few here you find useful for some support or to vent.

    And finally, smile - it will get better, and even if it's a forced smile, it actually makes you feel better.

    All the best :)

  • Hi there, just thought I would "chime in" and add my thoughts, having had a narcissistic mother. Is there no way you can possibly get out of living there as that would be the best solution for you. If there is no way then remember that when you say you don't want to carry on living what you mean is that you don't want to carry on living feeling the way that you do and in the situation that you are in. That is perfectly understandable and to be honest it is a healthy response to an unhealthy relative ie to NOT want to tolerate such behaviour. It won't be healthy for you to end it all of course; you must not do that as it would be such a terrible waste of what could be a good life for you in time; you must try and end the situation you are in or if this is not possible then do your best to bide your time and cope with the feelings you have.

    Try and get out of the house as much as you possibly can. If you can find any excuse at all then move away; have you thought about trying to get into a hostel or something like that? It is worth talking to your doctor about these desperate feelings and even getting a social worker involved if it will help you. I can't say enough how I feel for you as I have been in this situation and my mother basically ruined my life; I don't want that to happen to you. You are young and still have good choices ahead of you. You will always upset narcissists just by existing or having your own thoughts; you are in a lose lose situation with them believe me. The only way to break free is to not try to please or expect any sort of normal responses from them; when you realise how abnormal they are it helps; it is them and not you.

    Of course I don't know your mum but I am going from my own experience of a narcissistic mother. They really mess with your head so you have no belief in yourself; you question all your feelings and believe them to be wrong when infact they are right but the narcissist does not want you to know this as it doesn't suit them and how they like to control situations. You end up completely insecure about yourself and whether or not your feelings are valid, which they are by the way; stick with them.

    Sorry for my rant. That is my stuff and may not relate to you but that has been my experience.

    Gemma xx

  • Hi Gemma, this is the most real and truthful advice I've received, simply because we have this in common. I've not been online for a few days I've been busy with work, I'm trying to get out as much as I can however my depression makes me want to stay indoors a lot, at a push I visit my boyfriends' house but even then I do try to see if he can visit me. All the stuff you have said is relatable and I really appreciate your hindsight in this situation; as you mentioned the hardest part is maintaining the idea that my feelings and views on her are valid and real. I think the part about not wanting the be in the situation is true also, I don't necessarily want to end my life but this is my life; lonely and with a toxic household which makes me miserable, and a low self esteem. It obviously isn't what I want, and I agree that the only way I will feel better is by getting out. It's okay talking to my GP, getting counselling or getting meds; but the real issue here is the household. I daren't get a social worker involved because it worries me, I've got in contact with childine about housing but my only way is being alledgible for benefits and etc. which they rarely do for under 18's (I'm in 18 next month though). While I would ideally live in a hostel, this house does have the privacy and resources for me to finish my last year at school; so I do just have to power through with the hindsight that my parent is a narcissist and try not to do anything silly, no matter how horrible the feelings are. Thanks for replying Gemma, I always like hearing from you because it makes me feel sane :) x

  • Glad it helped :) XX

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