I sit here wondering how I got here. But I know YES I Know. Wrong choices. To many wrong choices. I had a great paying job. Handsome man. Our own Condo.
Drugs got in the way. I lost my job. Sold our condo. Split up.
Spent all my money on drugs and that was the dumbest thing I ever did.
Now on disability. Chronic back pain, arthritis and fibromyalgia and more.
I live alone with my X as my best friend. We are together all the time. But as friends. We're both lonely for companionship, cuddling.
He has hinted many times that we should get married and make it perfect. Haha
I can not live with him. We fight / argue to much. Not physical no no no.
But as friends were better off. I been depressed lately and I worry he will tire of me. As I can't go out much with my pains. My back or legs can be painful abs unable to walk. Not all the time with the legs. I started medical weed oil. It's for my pain. Been great more or less. But it makes me sleepy or sometimes my legs feel
Like I have weights on them. From the oil. Don't last long.
If we get out and do more I think he will not think to leave. Maybe we're meant to be together. That's why he is still here and I have not looked for another man. I think I would feel
Guilty. I think he feels the same way. We help each other a lot. I loan him smokes or money but he always pays back. I trust him and he helps me in the house errands cooking dishes anything I want Done or need Done he is here for me.
So why do I feel
So alone so depressed so empty ??