Im new here. As i feel i have no one really to talk to i thought id try this forum.
For the past few months i feel like im spiralling out of control. Down a slippery slope ive been down before.
I used to be in a really bad relationship, for 10 years i was emotionally buillied. I had no sellf worth, never wanted to go out, hated the way i looked etc.
I found the courage 8 years ago to walk away from this and never look back. I met someone who treats me the way you should be treats. We got married 3 years ago and life felt euphoric
I still struggled with times of lows as does everybody but i always manage to control it. Until now.
I feel like i used to and i dont know why. Im happy in my relationship,job etc but for some reason im having these constant battles with myself. I feel like i dont look nice, like i dont want to go out, like im all alone, like im fat,ugly etc. Im convinced my partner may be having an affair which i know is crazy. I had what i thought a "gut" feeling about a work collegue. My wife mentions her alot, differently to the other people she works with. We're a female couple but this collegue isnt even gay but ive still convinced myself that somethings going on.
I secretly check this womans facebook incase she puts something on that may give me some evidence. I do this numerous times a day. Especially after they both work a late shift together. I check my partners phone too. Its all driving me crazy.
Then i have times of clariry, that i know my partner couldnt do this to me and then look me in the face. Shes just really not that type of person.
It all feels like a viscous circle. I normally exercise regulary and when i go through periods of not being able to or not wanting to ive noticed things get worse mentally. Im starting back the gym today, to see if that will help make me feel better about myself which will then hopefully make me feel better in all areas.
Ive noticed when i go through periods of not exercising i do always go alittle crazy. Maybe its always there but exercise is like a self help drug to me. I seem to be worse in winter too. I start wanting to just stay on the couch all day. The sun makes me hzppy and weve not had much of that. Ive read about bipolar because xometimes i feel alittle like i cycle through the motions. I dont think i have that though, surely its more severe...
Off to the gym now.....wish me luck