I think i need to say this in writing to gain a little impartial feedback. I think ive been mildly depressed for years but always refused to let it beat me and got on with life. Im now in my late 20's and have noticed its got alot worse. Im now very inpatient/easily bored and dont get excited by alot of things these days. Im never interested in what other people say about what they tell me about their own lives and i am now sick of feeling like this.
Its almost like an effort to smile and be happy when i know i should be. I think the worst in everyone and always prepare my mind for the worst case scenario in alot of situations so i think if it actually happened my brain has already coped with the hurt/loss. I know this is far from normal thinking and i know im a good person at heart its like ive lost my identity because ive let this go untreated so long.
I also struggle with motivation and concentration at work/personal life etc and even writing this down shows me how severe this is. Has anyone else been here or currently feeling any of this?
I have had a bit of a horrible time with ex girlfriends and overcoming a gambling addiction in the past and repercussions of my past mistakes are still cropping up and effecting my future. I cant seem to get a break. I never ever feel genuinly relaxed either. I have hope as my future seems bright and have everything in place for the perfect life but i need to shake these feelings away before i truly feel happy. HELP lol x
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Atom12
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You managed to overcome an addiction, be proud, many don't and stop the guilt trip.....Have you a passion for something? Something even far back in childhood you love doing? That helps me motivate myself, although it's hard at the moment..
I know meditation and a faith belief would help me, maybe you too. If you have the energy, try some voluntary work to take your overthinking about yourself away. I can't do that as I am already a carer and struggling,
Firstly, thank you for taking time out your day to reply to someone you dont know to tell me your thoughts. Its greatly appreciated. Contradicting myself to my previous comment.i know.
I have a family who are half athiest half jehovahs witness. Myself, im athiest i WISH i had the gift of belief but i believe in facts. I dont want this to turn to a religious comment but i think you are right. I need my mind to focus on something that takes me from the negative path im leading. Also i love what you said about meditation. Great idea. Im going to read up about it tomorrow. I know i catch myself out not breathing properly and not remaining calm. I get overly stressed nd have to take large breaths.
From your post you seem to be going through something similar is everthing okay?
When we write down something we feel, it is almost like trying to validate something we already knew, and that makes it easier for us to do something about it, as the recognition that things are not quite how we know they could be is the first step toward a solution.
The reasons we develop behaviours which we do not seem to find the reasons for them may vary. Sometimes we are not depressed, but not satisfied with something that we cannot pinpoint what it is. Sometimes we have so much in our minds that we cannot relax about anything; and sometimes all these things together with others cause us to have such low feelings, and then the first signs of depression kick in. Depression or low mood has the tendency of draining our strength and taking our interest in things away.
I can relate to many of your words, especially when you say "Its almost like an effort to smile and be happy when i know i should be. I think the worst in everyone and always prepare my mind for the worst case scenario in a lot of situations so i think if it actually happened my brain has already coped with the hurt/los". It is our coping mechanism; do not feel like an alien because of it. We do not want to hurt, so we prepare ourselves for the worse, and if the worse does not happen, it is a bonus. It is our need to keep ourselves alive and safe. It is totally natural when we are not emotionally not quite in the right place.
My question is : Have you sought professional help, your GP for example? They may help you more than you imagined possible. I do not know if you have reservation when comes to talking to a doctor about how you are feeling, but if can overcome whatever stops you from doing it, you may benefit from the help offered by them. He will ask you some questions to see how frequently you have been feeling this way, and will take from there. Sometimes we need to take some meds just to keep our emotions balanced. The process is not as hard as it is to try to shake off emotions which we are not being able to have control over.
You say that your future seems bright and that you have everything in place for a perfect life, but you need to shake these feelings off. Well, if you have that vision of your future, take long-lasting action to shake these feelings off as soon as you can. Use the confidence that what you have in place will generate happiness, and use that confidence as stepping stones to get better.
Our past mistakes will only affect our future if we insist repeating them in our present. I know some of our mistakes have long-lasting consequences, but we still can rise above them and use them as stepping stones to a different outcome in our lives. Mistakes exist so that we can learn to do things differently next time.
I hope this post can take a bit of the discouragement away; and that soon you will post and say that you are feeling much better.
First of all thank you for taking the time out your day to reply. I actually genuinly appreciate it. I feel 10x better just by talking about it. Talking about things with partner/parents is great but i actually wanted an opinion from people who did not know me as i thought the people who care for me and love me were just saying what i wanted to hear.
I sometimes i worry about myself lol its like a switch has flipped im the happiest man alive. However i know tomorrow i could potentially feel the polar opposite. Screwed up i know.
im still going to make an appoinment tomorrow with the doctors.
I worry about everything. Every little detail or negavtive in my life i blow up to be the end of the world.
Thank you again for replying this has helped alot.
It was a pleasure taking my time and writing to you. I am glad that you are going to see the doctor. I understand when you say that people who know us tend to say what we want to hear. However, in my personal life, I am not like that. I do not believe that telling people what they want to hear will help them when I can see there is more to be done about it. It is my way of caring. When we confront people we love about something, and when we do that with love and respect , I believe the outcome will be much better than if we try to protect them by letting them believe that everything is going to be okay by just leaving them alone. I believe if we approach people to help them with the right motives , a positive outcome has a big chance of happening.
Atom, the problem is not worrying about everything , the challenge is to know why we do it. When we are vulnerable emotionally, worrying is inevitable. We worry because we are worrying, and we worry if we are not worrying. We never win ! But little we know that none of our worries has changed a bit about what we were worrying about. Worrying takes away our capability of being rational, and when we realise everything has been blown out of proportion, and this is a very scary realisation.
As I said to you before, use this experience as stepping stones for the next chapter of your life. Take small steps to regain your confidence.
I hope everything goes well for you at the doctor's. Hope to hear from you soon with good news, and if you do not have good news,I still would like to know how you are doing.
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