I think i need to say this in writing to gain a little impartial feedback. I think ive been mildly depressed for years but always refused to let it beat me and got on with life. Im now in my late 20's and have noticed its got alot worse. Im now very inpatient/easily bored and dont get excited by alot of things these days. Im never interested in what other people say about what they tell me about their own lives and i am now sick of feeling like this.
Its almost like an effort to smile and be happy when i know i should be. I think the worst in everyone and always prepare my mind for the worst case scenario in alot of situations so i think if it actually happened my brain has already coped with the hurt/loss. I know this is far from normal thinking and i know im a good person at heart its like ive lost my identity because ive let this go untreated so long.
I also struggle with motivation and concentration at work/personal life etc and even writing this down shows me how severe this is. Has anyone else been here or currently feeling any of this?
I have had a bit of a horrible time with ex girlfriends and overcoming a gambling addiction in the past and repercussions of my past mistakes are still cropping up and effecting my future. I cant seem to get a break. I never ever feel genuinly relaxed either. I have hope as my future seems bright and have everything in place for the perfect life but i need to shake these feelings away before i truly feel happy. HELP lol x