Ashes

Was supposed to be with my Brother and sister today to scatter Mum's ashes in Kirkcaldy Scotland,but am in too much physical and mental pain. The hospital that killed my Mother phoned me yesterday , (even after me telling them that I will only accept written correspondence!,)to ask me to fill the forms out yet again. I think that they are deliberately stalling.The CQC are now investigating the whole sorry happenings!

At least I can now try to get myself back on track now that Mum's ashes will be with my Gran and all of my Aunt's!

Although I do know I am genuinely too ill to have gone there , I still feel guilty and sad,Mum was always there for me and my siblings!

Still waiting for the Coroner's report,and have been told I could wait for a long time yet, very ill yesterday and am still sick and the other today, I know it's the Diverticular disease having a bit of a flare up! I am wondering if Stress makes it happen? As it does seem worse when I am Stressed! Instead of my back and arm being painful it feels like every joint in my body is causing me problems and Pain with a capital"P" ok rant over. Although I don't think I will be up to much over the weekend, I really hope everyone here has a good one! I keep telling myself" there are others out there that are suffering worse than me,so I have to stop feeling sorry for myself!" So have a good weekend enjoy and remember that no matter how bad we feel some poor bugger out there is feeling worse!

[spykey Ambassador]

Hi Dell01

Sorry to hear about your Mum.! Sounds like you're going through a rough time mentally & physically!

From what I know about diverticular disease, like the whole of the bowel it can become inflamed when your body is stressed, become more acute & diverticulitis which I'm sure you know how can set in! A lot of how we feel can affect the bowel including depression.

When we lose someone we are close to us is a difficult time, let alone a hospital being involved in their death & having to fill in forms once is difficult, and really stressful a second time & not respecting your choice of correspondence I can imagine & understand that you feel angry! As eveytime they phone you have to think on the spot & you can feel angry & overwhelmed going through the whole process all over again! At least with s letter you can choose when you read it, or make sure others are with you to give you support!

I know it's not the same as going to scatter your Mums ashes on the day with your brother & sister, but can you visit the area another day with your sister & brother & spend some quiet time there & maybe talk about your Mum while you're there? It's obviously a special place as your Gran, Aunts & now your Mum had her ashes have been scattered there!

I know you feel guilty and were genuinely too ill to go but how is guilt going to help you? If you had been physically able to go, you would have! The only person guilt is gonna hurt is you! I know you said your Mum was always there for you, & your Mum would have known about your illnesses & will know & have understood that you would have been there if you could!

Whilst the coroner is still sorting things out, can drag everything on & I know it is difficult to move on. I know from when my bother was killed it took a long time & not easy for the coroner to get some sort of report & inquest sorted, and it drags everything out, & can be difficult to go through the closure process!

Maybe you could get together with your brother & sister & explain how you are feeling about everything & maybe they can help to write another letter to the hospital & CQC to advise you only want contact via letter, so that everything that is talked about is recorded on paper, as I don't know about you, but I can't remember telephone conversations straight after they've happened, let alone repeat it to someone else an hour or two later! If you have a solicitor? If so he could write the letter for you & request any contact to be made should go through them.

It's not easy to lose someone especially if it wasn't natural & caused by other people! And I know it's difficult having to wait for everything to come to a final determination. Try not to be too hard on yourself you can't turn back time, but you can remember your Mum in your heart & mind & how much she meant to you. And maybe one day you will feel strong enough to go to Kirkcaldy! Until then, maybe take a day at a time to get through this difficult time.

Look after yourself. Take Care. spykey

[Hidden in reply to spykey]

Thank you Spykey, makes me feel a bit better about the whole situation that someone understands what I am going through and how I feel thanks