What is wrong with me? What do I have?

I know I have depression and anxiety but wonder if there is something more. I cry uncontrollably every day. I obsess over thing most people wouldn't think twice about. I hate myself and the way I look and constantly compare to other people. Get jealous all the time. I'm insecure. But I'm not myself the pasts few months . Self harming and constant crying and obsessive thoughts, I really don't want to ruin my relationship but can't make this stuff go away. It's like my brain has been completely rewired. I've had depression for years now but during college and relationship everything just got crazy in my mind. My thought process sounds crazy to other people. Obsessive. I've been told to get help but can't afford it unless I wait until school starts to get it free. But I'm really afraid I can't wait that long, I'm getting worse every day and I'm suppose to be getting better. I can't find happiness and the sadness always hits me really hard when I least expect it, and it feels so paralyzing. I get super anxious when the sadness hits and can't calm down and cry nonstop. It's embarrassing. I don't cry in public but the depression and anxiety happen and family and friends wonder what's happening with me. They notice. Please help me.

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  • Hello

    I cannot understand the difference of getting help now or later when you return to College.

    All I can suggest is that you see your Family Doctor (GP) and arrange a treatment plan and or medication for depression

    We can support and possibly advise, although you need that treatment that your GP can give

    Where are you in this crazy world.? How can we help

    BOB

  • I just meant that getting help sooner is better, I don't want to keep feeling this way.

  • I feel exactly the same and lately it has just been getting too much, I can't get through the day without breaking down in tears or panicking over something. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I can let you know how useful I find it if you like?

    Jess x

  • That would be great. Thank you.

  • Hi Mlee19

    Are you living outside of the Uk?

    If you are in the Uk it would be good to get the ball rolling now, & see your Dr or GP so you don't have to wait until you go back to school! 3 months is a long time to wait when you are feeling rough & going through so many emotions & feelings, self harming & crying frequently! Surely if you are a student at college, are you not classed as a student all year round?

    You are obviously struggling & need to get some treatment on the go asap! Even if you have to go to your local ED or A&E dept, if you can't got to your Drs?! It sounds like something needs to happen Very Soon, before you feel any worse! You've done well posting on the site! It may take some energy, but please find someone medical to give you support that is right for you! Unfortunately, we on the site can suggest or advise what to do, but we can't do it for you! Sorry!

    Please try to take some steps to get the ball rolling at your end & we will be here to support you however we can!

    Take Care. spykey

  • Yes in usa. It is not year round college, 3 months summer off. Thanks for the advise

  • Hi So you're in the USA!

    Don't you have medical insurance? Or are you on your parents insurance policy? Either way you need to get some help soon! Can you tell your parents you don't feel quite right & you need to see some form of Doctor? Like I said if you can go to the local hospital ED! Surely you're allowed to see a Dr if you don't feel well! If you had a broken arm you would go to the ED or hospital? Well although you haven't Broken your arm, you are feeling broken & you definitely need some sort of support, Now, rather than later! So when you are feeling stronger you could explain to your parents if you want to? What's

    But for now, this is about YOU!! And You need help! Crying all day & self harming really isn't the answer! Looking after yourself is! Like I said get to that Dr some how!! You Really need go ASAP, even if it is through your local hospital Emergency Department! You need to get the cogs moving, so you don't have to wait too long for you support next work to start working which can then transfer to college when you go back!

    It's time to start fighting back this depression!

    Sorry we can only advise what to do! You need to start the putting the treatment in place and you can start to feel more like your previous self when you were feeling stronger!

    Take care & good luck

    spykey

  • Thanks for the advise

  • hi Mlee19 I come of my meds a few times I take Sertraline 200mg. don't drink don't smoke and don't do any other drugs. on Monday I was very down,mood swings are terrible,i wish I could twist my head around at times,you see I am used to gardening and the heavy showers stopping me has been driving me nuts. I no It sounds stupid but to me my garden and my dog are number 1,just little things people don't understand unless you suffer anxiety and depression. on Monday I was only on 100mg now my mood wasn't great, now it is Thursday I am a lot happier,the doctor wants me to come of my tablets,no way. I can honestly say Sertraline have sorted my head out, if I am watching tv I just chill and don't worry about things that normally drive me nuts. do have a talk to your doctor,like I say some tablets are good for some and don't work for others, always remember you can contact me anytime.

  • Sorry to hear that. Ive taken an antidepressant but it didn't work so I weened off, im not sure which one can help, or if they will.

  • Mlee19 - Hi I was working as a groundsman/gravedigger/parksman/war graves(loved doing this and was a pleasure,made me proud)doing the graves was not my downfall it was my work overload,i didn't having dinner break I only stopped for water breaks, I was really down but loved my job so the Sertraline tablets really worked for me anyway,i do hope you sort your problems out and see your doctor there are lots of different meds out there, let me no how you get on, I am helping my mums friend out at the moment he has Bipolar which a lot of people don't get. good luck.

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