I know I have depression and anxiety but wonder if there is something more. I cry uncontrollably every day. I obsess over thing most people wouldn't think twice about. I hate myself and the way I look and constantly compare to other people. Get jealous all the time. I'm insecure. But I'm not myself the pasts few months . Self harming and constant crying and obsessive thoughts, I really don't want to ruin my relationship but can't make this stuff go away. It's like my brain has been completely rewired. I've had depression for years now but during college and relationship everything just got crazy in my mind. My thought process sounds crazy to other people. Obsessive. I've been told to get help but can't afford it unless I wait until school starts to get it free. But I'm really afraid I can't wait that long, I'm getting worse every day and I'm suppose to be getting better. I can't find happiness and the sadness always hits me really hard when I least expect it, and it feels so paralyzing. I get super anxious when the sadness hits and can't calm down and cry nonstop. It's embarrassing. I don't cry in public but the depression and anxiety happen and family and friends wonder what's happening with me. They notice. Please help me.
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