It is the early hours of the morning and for the first time in a week after my meds kicked in, I am beginning to feel the clouds gather, the empty, sick feeling in my stomach, the dry mouth.
I can't seem to do right for doing wrong, last night I hurt someone I care about inadvertently by trying to make them feel better. Why am I a failure at human relationships? Is everything I do clouded by my illness? I can't even help one of my very few friends without messing up.
So now I lie here questioning my worth. What is the point? I am better off knowing no-one then I can't hurt anyone.
I am sorry for venting. Self pity, self loathing and disappointment at my meds not keeping me afloat have conspired to put me here.