I can't live with this anymore

I can't deal with having depression any longer. I cant bear feeling like this anymore. Before I was diagnosed I thought I was happy and had feelings and could fall in love easily. I cant anymore. I cant feel the way I used to. Its killing me. I have been with my current boyfriend for over a year and i fucking love him but my depression wont allow me to show those feelings. He treats me well and he loves me he tells me everyday there doesnt seem to be anything wrong with our relationship, just me. I can't FEEL anymore. I feel sick at the thought of falling out of love with him or leaving him. I cant feel love anymore. I have all these thoughts built up and i am naturally a very sensitive and emotional person. But this thing inside my head has made me become numb to everything. I've lost joy in everything i used to enjoy. What is the point in living if i cant even show that? It makes my mind explode if i force myself, as if it doesnt want to feel?

7 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Listen Kelly, depression will destroy temporarily your ability to love and feel. The most serious part is that it makes it difficult or impossible to love and respect yourself, so how can you love anything or anyone else ?

    Thats the bad news. The good news is that it never lasts for ever or even near that long . It just feels like a lifetime. The point in living is that if you stop living you'll never reach the point where it ends and you are able to love again.

    No one can deal with depression any longer or bear feeling like this anymore . But we all do, we're all stronger than we think. Don't rob yourself of the wonderful feeling you'll have when the depression ends. It will feel as if you 've reached an oasis after wandering in the desert lost. That wears off ,but at least you are then better.

    I hope you've seen your GP for help. That usually means you shake the depression more quickly and as far as everyone is concerned the quicker the better. Its not the best feeling anyone ever had and the sooner you lose it the sooner you'll spot the oasis.

    What more can I say ?, Most of us have been where you are, many of us many times. It always ends however and usually one can pick life up again and actually start enjoying it again. Sometimes it comes back later , and its just as bad but usually one can deal with it better and you 'll know that it will end again.

    Olderal

  • Why the bad language? nothing worse as it belongs in the gutter.

  • what bad language?

  • Was referring to Kelly 555's post, sorry if you thought it was directed at yourself.

  • I don't know if I quite understand what you are directing your point to Robert, but I use this site as a way to let out my current emotions and feelings especially when i am feeling psychotic or suicidal, so if your referencing to the one swear word I put in my post it is because I did not want to suppress my emotions or edit my post. I wanted to say what was on my mind so that I am clear on my problems.

  • I have also been through what you are going through, hopefully everything will work out well for you. I hear enough bad language on the tv and in the streets and the last place i thought i would hear it or read it is in forum. Many kids use this language and they can not put a sentence together with out that word. F.U.C.K is actually an abbreviation from the Victorian days when ladies of the night were arrested and the charge was " For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. "

  • I dont own/watch television so I can't say i'm exposed to much swearing as such. I actually hate tv and the mass media/ads for the amount of brainwashing it entails. I currently study and have written essays for uni about visual culture / contemporary visual culture so i really don't want to be discussing it over this website as i can get too in depth and furious about the closed mindedness of other people on said subject. I use this website to let out and express my current state of mind and feelings while dealing with depression and anxiety. so please, Do not try and lecture me about your feelings towards the way I express myself. Thats not what this website is for. Help and understand others going through hell.

    Peace.

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