I have gone through depressed periods in which I thought I would never, ever feel OK again..so down I could barely function... But this past week has been SO bad for me ... seems like everything just 'came together' at once... and I finally can completely understand and sympathize with people who say they feel like dying, committing suicide. I guess I thought just because they were only in their 40's or 50's (I know sometimes younger) they just should just look at the fact that they have so much of a 'good life' ahead of them...but now I understand. No, I WILL NOT commit suicide...
I am in my 70's... have always been really co-active with my family (they really are wonderful people) and I've always felt 'a part of the family.' I don't any longer...seems like its gotten worse gradually over two year... I am visiting with a therapist... I guess it helps some. I am having a hard time accepting that sometimes when you get older you just get ignored a lot... I have always tried to be supportive and understanding of everything they do...and always reassure them that I will always 'be there' if they need me. I often cover up the way I really feel because I don't want to be a whiner to them...
True, sometimes they (maybe once every 2 months) will take me out to lunch but very seldom make an effort to include me in their conversation...but I DO keep trying to enter in... I have just the one daughter (and 2 grown granddaughters) and I love them so much... I know they are busy and maybe my trouble is I am 'not'... I have asked them if they could call (sometimes I HATE texting because it is SO impersonal--but am still grateful for the texts!) at least once a week or so... I just don't know what to do. My therapist says get involved in other things. OK I am trying to work on that... but it doesn't take the place of my being a real part of my family anymore. Thanks for listening... I'd welcome responses. They couldn't hurt me anymore than how I already feel.
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BettyA
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Hi Betty, have you tried explaining how you feel to your daughter? She needs to know how you feel, so that she can begin to understand what you're going through. She may not have any idea that you're feeling the way you do and would welcome the opportunity to help. Also maybe your daughter could go along to any classes or group activities that you're interested in and be part of new interest in your life. Hope this post helps a little!
Hi Betty, I am so sorry you have had a bad week and hope things start happening that give you that little lift that you could do with and most certainly deserve.
Although I don't believe depression can ever be age related as the suffering can be no different if your 6 or 60, and sometimes I hate to reflect on some of my younger attempts at trying to escape from myself, which of course would have deprived me of the amazing life I have had, although I have a tendency to forget a lot of those good times when I am down and I don't seem to have permanent memory loss, just selective when it suits!
What age bought me was an incredible loneliness that occasionally hits, because before my loneliness was on the inside, self imposed by how I felt maybe, but now I personally have to reinvent myself yet again as I no longer have the role of wife mother and general bottle washer! So it's always a constant push to keep moving forward which at least can bring lots of rewards.
But then I realise again its not an age thing as life can still be fun at any age. Yes its not easy stepping out of our comfort zone on a never ending search finding what we like and brings happiness, but luckily there is an abundance of things to try, so I hope you are soon able to dip your little toe in the water to see what can still excite you, you will then have so much to tell your family they won't be able to shut you up.
But it's ok to sometimes feel very down, it will not stay when you continue to work on it, there is a lot of love in this world it's such a shame to miss out on some of it when we are either afraid or simply don't know which direction to go, but the good thing is there isn't really a wrong way as when it doesn't feel right we can just change direction.
Take care and remember even when you are not with your family, you are so with them in every way as you are part of who they now are, there memories, there achievements, there love, it can be very rewarding just thinking about them, knowing how important your life has been as it really has impacted on so many others.
Betty,I too have a wonderful family and sometimes find it hard that as i've aged (I'm now 72) I've gone from being maybe one of the "kingpins" to more of a support act.
I keep relaxed about it though. I love them all (especially the grandchildren--my kids are n't bad but next time around I'm going straight to grandchildren ,they are so wonderful and everyone gets the best ones). It is harder for women who usually are more wrapped into family life ,and probably do more to keep families together and "working".
Try and stay relaxed about it, like all we oldies you're not so important now and on average young peopl'e lives are so much busier now. let the youngsters take more of the strain ,and if that gives you extra time ,good. Enjoy yourself , they all still love you, its just that you're not at the centre of your thoughts.
My son for instance,knows if he does n't hear from me I'm fine . He works on the principle that if I'd died someone would have told him. My daughter is like most women better but unless she needs a favour I'm less important than I used to be. That does n't bother me at all, its inevitable.
What I find harder to bear is that Cameron and Obama are now making decisions without phoning me to check out what I would do. Now in Clinton's and Blair's day .......................Still ,I suppose that's inevitable as well. Bugger 'em, if they want to risk making bad decisions its no skin off my nose. They're the ones who have to get elected,not me.
Dear Betty, you sound such a wonderful person. I am sure your family truly love you but perhaps do not show it enough. I am thinking of you this moment, but the only thing I can do for you is say a little prayer. I really do believe in prayer and am sure you will be looked after.
Thank you so much...oh yes, they do know this... I've always made that my priority to tell them of and show them my love for them. But I know we can always do better.
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SO funny... Thank you for your response.
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