What is the point

Hi i am new on this site. I have been battling with depression for over 2 years now. There are days when i don't get dressed or even get out of bed. I absolutely hate feeling like this but it is so difficult some days. I had to give up my job because of health issues, and because of this it led to my depression which got really bad. When i was working i had something to get up for. Now i just think what is the point? I so much want to get my health back to how it was, but it has been such a long process now - a few years. I get very frustrated because of all this and fed up, to the stage i just get further into depression. I am waiting to hear about having some counselling, as i had some a couple of years ago, which did help me. You all sound lovely people on this site and support each other. Talking about my problems does help me a little bit, and only came across this site a couple of days ago and so glad i did.

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  • Hi,

    I've been working through depression for about the same time.

    I know how you feel. You've found a good forum for support and guidance.

    I had to give my job up as well because of it.

    Yes, had the "What's the point?" thoughts as well.

    All I can do is tell you what I did and see if that information gives you so hope and guidance.

    I had been seeing my doctor over a mysterious illness that I had when I came back from holiday, many tests later and I was just getting worse and one day something just tripped and I was a wreck. My GP diagnosed anxiety and depression and after a long chat I agreed to try anti-depressants. It took a few tries to get the right tablets and dosage, but after a couple of months I was starting to feel a little better. I also was prescribed tablets to help me sleep, but was only give enough for a couple of days. I slept for most of the next few days and felt better when I woke. I actually had the energy to focus for a little while.

    As well as the medication I pushed my GP to get alternative therapy as well and was signed up for a CBT course and a Stress Control class, as well as being referred to see a psychiatrist.

    I had to repeat the CBT course and Stress Control class because I was so tired I couldn't concentrate the first time. I also took my Mum along to the 2nd Stress Control class because she wanted to support me and help and I needed someone to remind me of what had been covered.

    I also had great support from my family and my best friend. Dad doesn't understand depression and what happens and thinks I should be able to shake if off, but he knows there is something wrong that I need to work through. I am grateful for his honesty and he knows I'd rather be working and happy than the state I've been in.

    I've tried deep muscle relaxation, mindfulness, thought diaries, journaling and other techniques.

    There is 2 I'd say are key to my progress and that is a mantra to remind yourself that you will get there, Spending time in the evening thinking of what you are grateful for. I do this before I go to sleep.

    I said 2, but there is a 3rd one and that is goal setting. Set yourself realistic goals each day. To start with mine were:

    Get up

    Have breakfast

    I didn't get angry if I didn't do all my goals for the day I just reminded myself that I would complete them the next day.

    I also worked with a psychologist as I didn't find the psychiatrist was for me.

    Now, I am so much better, had my tablets reduced to only one and I don't get the "What's the point?" thoughts anymore. I know recognize the signs for if I am getting anxious and depressed and most of the time I can work my way through it. When I can't I book an appointment with my psychologist.

    I've had great support from family and friends who are there for me every day and just being about to talk to them openly without being judge was the best thing for me.

    I know this is a long response and you may need to read it a few times, but if you need any other information or have any questions about what I did please let me know.

    I have a mantra that I repeat countless times during the day to help me focus and I am still seeing my GP regularly. I am hoping to be off my anti-depressants by the end of the year and back to work. It's a long process and I am viewing the skills I've learnt as being life time skills that I will probably need to use from now on, but at least I feel better and I know I am not just back to the old me but improving myself to. I know I could slip at anytime, but I am not frightened now. I just need to check my journal to see how far I've come in the past few months, never mind since this all started.

    Keep going you will get there and please get help and find someone you trust to speak to who you know will not judge you and you can trust.

    You can contact me view private message if you want or just post your comments/messages and you'll get answers from people on the forum.

    Take care.

    X

  • 20Voices i have a gratitude journal .. It is worn out now, I need a new one. Surprising how beneficial they are. You have reminded me to get it back started .. I used to write in it to start with three things a day I was grateful of .. It slowly builds up over time

  • Satsuma this is the great thing about this forum we get reminders of things that we used to do that we should either start doing again or new ideas of things that we should start doing. :-D

  • 20Voices Absolutely .. Thankyou for reminding me .. I shall look for a suitable book

  • Like Goldfish_ says you need structure and purpose and you can have a good rant on here ... Talking helps

  • Hello bb, it is a very helpful site and will probably be good for you. I have to say however that you have answered your own post.

    In as much as the point is you want to get your health back and then say there are days you don't get dressed or out of bed. Now I do realise that depression can make this difficult but the question is do you think you could do it if you were in a concentration camp and the capo came round every morning with a whip ? I suspect the answer for everyone is yes. If the answer is yes then its possible to get out of bed and get dressed. In fact its a bit of a ridiculous question because the other ridiculous way of putting it would be you just roll back the cover and put your feet on the floor. Simples.

    I guess what I am really saying is that anyone suffering depression has to make some minimum effort themselves to recover. Its not fair that this is harder when suffering depression but there is no rule in life that says life ever has to be fair. You just have to make a rule which is "Whatever life throws at me (unfairly) I will survive and overcome"

    What most people don't remember because it happens before they are born is that just before birth babies have to sign a form taking full responsibility for their lives. Few people read the Ts & Cs before signing one of which declares that life is basically unfair. Luckily the unfairness usually works for the first decade or two of life in your favour as most are looked after, fed,clothed, and educated etc. before they've paid anything in.

    None of this is serious of course except to say that although medicine, doctors, support from family and friends, therapies all help, at the end of the day it is the sufferer of depression who has to make the biggest effort. You're right it is often a long road but I'm sure you'll get there and we'll try to help all we can.

    Olderal

  • Thankyou so much for your lovely comments and taking the time 20voices, goldfish, satsuma and olderal. I have had a bit more of a productive day today, managing to get out of bed, getting showered today and dressed and actually staying up and not going back to bed, like i usually do. I am trying to find support from other places. I have given up going to my doctors, as i have seen so many different doctors there, who don't seem to listen to what i say. Instead palm me of with more tablets and tell me to see how i get on with them. Nobody at the doctors seem to have time to listen nowadays. I use to have a lovely lady doctor there, who was my doctor for years, and then she left a couple of years ago. I had a benign tumour on my foot, for which i had 4 operations, all in the same year plus 2 other ops for other medical conditions, so everything just came to a head this year, as i felt so drained and worn out with everything. I found out who my 'real' friends were, friends who i helped when they needed it, but turned their backs on me when i needed it. My benign tumour has been removed, which was underneath my foot, so haven't been able to weight bare on it for so long and have limited mobility. I went from someone very active to not being able to do alot at all. This is why i get very frustrated with everything. I am trying to be more positive about life but it does get hard sometimes. I am just so glad i found this site, and people on here that do actually understand. Thankyou all of you.

  • Hi blackbeauty, Sorry to hear about your problems with your doctors. I still think you should seek medical advise to help you through this.

    Also find out what programs are run in your area for depression, anxiety and stress control.

    It will help your progress if you have medical back up.

    The main thing to remember is one day at a time and if you do slip backwards please try and not get upset, but keep trying as you will progress forwards.

    See what help you can find in your area and decide which methods you want to use. I tried everything that my psychologist suggested and then found the ones that felt right to me and I could follow with my foggy brain. :-D

    Take care.

  • Thankyou 20voices. Yes i definitely need to find what other support there is in my area and i will make an appointment with my doctors, i need all the help i can get at the minute. It has helped me a great deal already by using this site. Thankyou for taking the time to read and reply to my posts. Take care x

  • I do think that having a sympathetic and listening doctor is quite important with depression, and that seems quite difficult for you at that practise. Most surgeries now work on the "see any doctor" principle. My suspicion is that this is to help with GPs overload and is not good at all for the patients. i have no illusions that each "new" doctor has time to read your case notes. In my opinion its particularly important with depression and other mind problems where there are no physical symptoms to look at to always see the same doctor.

    So what I do is always ask to see the same doctor and then just wait until his first available appointment. That way i don't have to tell the mechanic whats wrong with the car and we can get straight down to fixing it. its also easier to build a relationship which means they listen more, and maybe have more commitment to you.

    All I can suggest is that it might be worth picking the best of a bad bunch and sticking with that one.

    olderal

  • Thankyou for the advice Olderal. I totally agree with what you have said. It is really difficult at the practice that i go to, to see the same doctor all the time. I have had to wait 3 weeks before until i see the same doctor. I am tearing my hair out just at the thought of having to wait that length of time, and end up making an appointment with a different doctor who hasn't a clue about my medical history. I know doctors do have a heavy workload and just haven't got the time anymore. I am going to make an appointment tomorrow. I just hope i don't have that long to wait.

  • Hi blackbeauty99

    I've been through depression and almost exactly the symptoms and behaviours you've described. I still have off days, but have made significant recovery from my worst.

    The most important thing to remember is that depression is an illness and is NOT your fault. Don't be hard on yourself, and give yourself time to recover.

    Just focus on small chunks of time throughout the day. Rest, of course is important, but so is building activity into your day. Although sometimes difficult, try and create a structure for yourself...anything to keep yourself busy...watering plants, the food shop, going for walks, anything. But try to stick to the routine you create. Try and incorporate exercise and a social activity into it as well, as these are important and known to help lift mood. Once you feel well enough, you could start to refocus on jobs etc, but not until then.

    As for medication, sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. But if you feel like it could help, discuss it with your GP. The drug Sertraline was the most beneficial for me, though it varies by person.

    It's difficult, but don't lose hope. You'll get through this.

    L

  • Thankyou for your comment lajack. It is hard but because of my health issues it is even harder. I had never suffered with depression until then. Yes i had low days but nothing like what i have experienced over the last 2 years. I was very reluctant to take any medication for this to start with, i suppose i was quite stubborn and didn't want to believe i was suffering with depression. As the depression kicked in deeper, i knew i needed help and couldn't fight this on my own. It makes it a bit easier for me that i have found this site, and the people on here know exactly what depression is about and understand. Thankyou for taking the time to comment and will take your advice on board.

  • I like lajack's advice.Depression is just an illness,no shame ,totally not your fault in any way,and pretty formidable. Almost every one needs help.That does n't absolve you from the effort needed to fight it so keep getting out of bed.Even if the illness itself means you sometimes can't make a huge effort, it must be your best effort you can make. A bit of courage is a huge asset.

    Most of the early medications for it were discovered by serendipity and discovering which ones are right for which patient is difficult and often suck it and see. Things are improving and doctors's skill at prescribing is improving and there's now a wide choice of drugs, some of which can now be targeted to an extent..

    I consider I was pretty good at fighting it,had it on and off for about 50 years and no one ever knew ,as far as I know except my wife and GP, but I don't think I could have done that without medication so its good you have overcome your objections to medication IMO. i appear to be a bit lucky or unusual in that I've never had any bad side effects from any of the multitude of drugs I've been prescribed over the 50 years,either from taking them or discontinung them.I now take a mood stabiliser and two antidepressants continuously although not terribly high dosages.

    I always recommend Jim Phelp MD's site PsychEducation as one of the best sources of information about treatment although even his recommendations may not be right for some. He recommends high strength fish oil which I also take as there is some evidence its good for the brain , and hearsay evidence it helps the joints and prevents constipation as a possible bonus. As I continue with the other drugs I can't tell if its doing anything for me but I have n't had a spell of depression since taking it (about 12 months) altho I still might not have had of course if I had n't been taking it. Who knows ?

    I hope this is useful information for you. As encouragement despite having had depression on and off this long i had a successful working career ( much easier if no one knows altho it adds to the strain ), and have mainly had a very happy and contented life except during my spells of depression (about 20-25% of my life). I have now managed to reach the stage where I'm almost glad I suffer from depression,as long as it stays at only 25% of the time. In common with starvation ,torture ,and cold sores Its "character building" and the wonderful spells of hypomania I get make it pretty well all worthwhile. Hypomania is almost like being superman altho the medics are n't keen on it in case it tips into mania. Luckily again I don't think I've ever had mania, although opinions differ (only joking).

    So it has n't been the end of the world for me, and I'm sure it will be far from that for you.

    Olderal

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