I'm new to this and don't really know where to start. My heart is breaking my head so sore. I am a mum 2 beautiful perfect kids and gf to the most wonderful person I have ever met. And I'm going to lose it all. I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what normal is ? Well I'm not sure if I do someone please tell me what normal is ??? Racing thoughts from absolute happiness to the worst depression ever within the space of hours. Loving and hating the person who means the most to you. Wishing it was all over. Looking at the clock to hope that it's bedtime to stop pain. I am on medication for depression 45mg martizipne or whatever is called. I never really believed depression was a real thing because I've always felt this way as long as I can remember but since the birth of my daughter I've never recovered. I was very ill during the pregnancy and lost 2stone through sickness. I was ill everyday for 8 1/2 months. I don't know how I surbived it. But I do because some days I feel strong only for minutes sometimes hours. But it only takes a small thing to send me into the deep racing thoughts and depression. I have made an appointment for doc for weds. I was only at her last Thursday. I feel like she won't listen to me and does not know me from Adam. She sees me for 8mins if I'm licks every 4 weeks.
Please anyone tell me what's wrong with me. I'm empty and lost. I don't want to be bi polar. I don't want my fily to suffer . If you have read this far, Thank you. And please any response would be appricated