I'm just tired of life!

I'm seriously fed up with the way my life is going right now. I've been struggling with mental illnesses for years now and just with life in general. I'm 25 and poor, but not homeless. I have been looking for a job for a few months now and everytime it seem like I'm about to get the job I don't and it makes me even more depressed and a failure. I barely have any friends and it's hard for me to open up to people again so I suffer in silence. I have no boyfriend/Husband to comfort me or even family members I feel so alone. I try my best to live a decent life, I don't do drugs or drink, smoke or go out. I have no criminal record. I basically stay to myself and my social life is non existent at this point. I just want my life back and to be happy, nothing ever goes right for me and I feel like killing myself sometimes just so I won't have to deal with the pressures and woes of life. I feel numb and empty I've tried everything I can.. Dr's, Shrinks, Church...but I feel like nothing has really helped me because everytime I try to fight it I end up back at square one. No job, no lover, no family, no friends nobody understands me and I feel as if God has forgotten me completely. I pray and read my bible for encouragement it works temporarily then something happens and I go right back sad. I feel stuck like no one can help me and I have health problems like what's is the use, why am I here? Why can't I help myself and why can't anybody help me. I'm planning on running away soon I've always thought about it and I think I will because I need to escape! I just feel like I'm beyond repair and I'm so frustrated, depressed and lonely yet it's like a catch 22 because even though I'm lonely, I don't want to meet more people since the people usually disappear eventually for reasons I'm not sure of. I'm always nice to people so I don't get it. I also am very unhappy with my living conditions which add to this unhappiness but don't have the money to move. I've gotten to the point where I just can't try anymore. I feel like I'm defeated. I have no friends and don't have the strength or the trust to make any more.

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  • Don't run away because your problems will only follow you. Trust me. Do you have a college degree? No judgments if you don't.

  • No I don't. I'm poor!

  • Ok. I know from experience that your problems will only follow you if you run away. I went to college thinking that my family problems will fade in the distance, but that did not happen. I had to face them. Is there any abuse at your home?

  • hi Ren. I'm 28 and I suffer from the same things as you. I have no social life, no love life, no friends, no girlfriends, no job, no money. I've been looking for motivation all my life but still cant find it and I dont seem to be able to excel at anything...no matter what I start, I always fail to get to the finish line. I'm depressed and hopeless and also have health issues. I guess the only advantage I have is family. I've been having suicidal thoughts or even runnin away thoughtsvfor years. Even now they come and go. I guess the only reason I havent acted on them is my mom. My mom has had a very hard and depressing life. She is a good and kind hearted woman and loves her children dearly. And I love her too and its only because of her that Im still here. Right now She is my only reason for living. She needs me. That is why Im still searching for other motivators beside her. I truly am sorry that you have no family. I wish you did. I know what it feels like to be stuck in a rut somewhere in your life, unable to move forward abd How it feels like when everyone you know, everyone your age or even younger are finding success and have big achievements and are moving forward and you're still left behind with no job, no money, no friends...etc. At least I feel like I havent really grown or evolved as a character, as a person. But I've seen people who overcame trumendous adversities and came on top. Why you andvI should be different? Why should we not get a break for once? All we have to do is look for an inspiration...we need to be truly inspired by something in order to be motivated enough to reach our goals or even set a goal life. I refuse to believe that we are just incapable or born to be miserable. So I implore you to be patient and keep looking for your big answersvin life...keep looking for that reason that will make you hold on and move on from this misery, even if it seems like the hardest thing to do right now. Love xxx

  • Thanks, here I am months later still hurting and struggling. I'm beyond frustrated right now and I wish someone can help me :(

  • Hello there; it sounds like you are reaching some sort of a crisis point which can be good in that it can be motivational. I would advise completely against running away though as that isn't the answer. Lonliness is an epidemic right now despite life being busier than ever so you are not alone in that! I sometimes get similar thoughts to yourself. I feel depleated; like I have tried absolutely everything and yet still I am alone and isolated.

    . It may be that you've just hit a rough patch wherein there is nobody around for you but things can pick up again. Try once again to expand your contacts and also within reason share aspects of yourself with people. Don't go full on and tell them everything about how you feel as that alienates people but maybe tell them a watered down version of your difficulties. For example I may use the phrase "I suffer from depression sometimes" or if you don't want to use the word depression say "I struggle with things sometimes and feel like I'm on my own too much". The trick is to meet people in the same boat as you. Don't try and meet people who are married. Try and meet people on their own; widows or widowers or single people who have never married. It's easy for me to say I know but you need to keep trying at it. I have just noticed that you are 25 so there is a good possibility that if you mix with single people you may eventually meet someone who can be a companion to you.

    I get times when I feel so alone and like nothing is working. I look at my expectations, like that idea that there "should" be someone around for me. Life isn't always like this; there is no "should". Yesterday I felt like this but managed to distract myself by getting engrossed in a book. Take on some more interests even if you know they are just distraction techniques for you. Start to learn a language, art, or whatever interests you.

    I know it is age old advice but the thing is that is probably the best we can do and to work on things slowly to include more people in your life, although there will always be times when you are on your own and isolated; then you can come on here and chat to friends as I find that helps me anyway.

    :) XXXX

  • I don't have any motivation to do my art and such. Everyday I worry about the same struggles, not being able to find a decent job and why can't I recover from heartbreak fully? Like every year I go through the same things. Why am I not learning?

  • I once read that having depression is like looking at the world through a plate glass window. It makes me feel that whilst I am disconnected I am still able to see and experience life. It helps me; so does your writing.

    Your moving description of living with depression whilst trying to live a life is so well written. You capture it wonderfully; and reading it made me feel less alone. Thank you.

    I hope you have a some cheerful episodes soon, and a bit of good luck. You deserve it.

  • Glad that you found a lil bit of comfort. But months later here I am still living in hell, when will it end?

  • Hi ren you Definatley been through a rough patch ! Dont you have any friends that you can confide in !have you no group you can go to that supports people like your self and give You a reason to get more out of life ! I am here if you need someone to talk to take care david

  • I have friends, but I really don't trust them enough to confide in any of them.

  • Hi Ren,

    When we take too much on all at once it can get too overwhelming and we tend to feel the way you describe it. Without getting into too much personal details can you please describe the life you had prior to this when you say you "want your life back" ? I'd like to understand bit more why you feel like this and what caused it then I can give you the right advice, if helps.

  • I guess you can say there was one year in my life that everything actually went smoothly. I was working and going to college and I had a bf. Then things just went downhill from there and that been over 6 years ago I haven't catched myself yet.

  • Hi Ren,

    We all have these moments where we once had everything. I know someone who played with cash like it was water, had the posh cars and house and one day it started going downhill and they became penniless. Later their fate changed and job prospects changed and his job got better and better until again circumstances changed their situation and finances became tight and family problems arose. Their ego and arrogance had a part to play in their misfortune. In these situations when your circumstances change you shouldn't keep expecting things in life to carry on the way they were or go back to the way they were, I'm sure you realize this. I've been through mishap myself, good job, earning a lot of money, buy what I wanted and then hit by depression changed my life completely mentally and financially but it made me appreciate the smaller things in life and the people who were around me to support my recovery and understand those who were in my situation how they felt counting the pennies but also those who had to deal with depression. that's why i;m on here to help all of you the best I can. Once the past goes learn to let it go and move forward, its for your own sanity as I had to learn the harder way.

    Can I also ask is if we let go of the past and move forward, where do you want to see yourself? if you have an aim then what is stopping you fulfilling it?

  • Hi. When I was reading your post, I felt like I was reading my own diary. I feel the same way and have gone through the same things, and I'm 24. So I empathize with you 100%. I have sought professional help for years, and at times like this, they ask what do you value? What's important to you? What gives you meaning in your life? What makes you forget to eat and poop? Maybe it's solving a problem, or organizing things efficiently(or compulsively if you're my mom), or teaching somebody something? Whatever it is, the cognitive principles that keep you enthralled in the activity is important.

    People leaving you is never your fault. It has a lot more to do with them than it does with you. Maybe you can look into joining a group where everybody is focused on this one thing. Again it goes back to values and what's important to you. Everyone has different values and you just need to find that person who has similar values as you.

    There are no "shoulds" in life. I try to eliminate the word "should" from my vocabulary because your brain will set up a version of reality that is often not a depiction of the real world, and anytime you strive for that image and come up short, you'll feel frustrated.

    Don't run away from your issues because they will always be faster than you. Don't give up hope. You will find the answers you're looking for.

  • I wished things get better, but life is still the same and I basically hate myself more now.

  • Hi Ren. If there was just one thing in your life that you could work on and change would you feel a little better?

  • I know the feeling. But I also know it can and will get better. You are 25 . Just hang in there . Continue to pray. Things will change. Prayers and hugs sent to you. 25 is young. You have a lot of time and things will get better.

  • I stopped praying honest, I'm fed up and things has gotten worse, not better.

  • Are u in GB ?

  • Bahamas

  • I feel the same i want out this game

  • Worse mistake I've ever made was becoming an adult.

  • I can understand where your coming from I am 31 and have not many friends, I don't have much of a social life I am always at the hospital for one thing or another and I am sick and tired of it today I was at the hospital I was asking myself why me, I can't say the right things and I am down a lot. I think sometimes like giving up I feel lonely I find sometimes when I want to tell people things they don't fully listen as things that are happening to them are more important It makes me feel small, Ive got a few health problems which I am finding it hard to deal with right now. I get lonely most days, I have a job but I am still not happy with myself. I would like to have more friends.

  • I don't want more friends, I just need money and love. Is that too much to ask? I would hate to be in my 30s still suffering I rather die.

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