I'm seriously fed up with the way my life is going right now. I've been struggling with mental illnesses for years now and just with life in general. I'm 25 and poor, but not homeless. I have been looking for a job for a few months now and everytime it seem like I'm about to get the job I don't and it makes me even more depressed and a failure. I barely have any friends and it's hard for me to open up to people again so I suffer in silence. I have no boyfriend/Husband to comfort me or even family members I feel so alone. I try my best to live a decent life, I don't do drugs or drink, smoke or go out. I have no criminal record. I basically stay to myself and my social life is non existent at this point. I just want my life back and to be happy, nothing ever goes right for me and I feel like killing myself sometimes just so I won't have to deal with the pressures and woes of life. I feel numb and empty I've tried everything I can.. Dr's, Shrinks, Church...but I feel like nothing has really helped me because everytime I try to fight it I end up back at square one. No job, no lover, no family, no friends nobody understands me and I feel as if God has forgotten me completely. I pray and read my bible for encouragement it works temporarily then something happens and I go right back sad. I feel stuck like no one can help me and I have health problems like what's is the use, why am I here? Why can't I help myself and why can't anybody help me. I'm planning on running away soon I've always thought about it and I think I will because I need to escape! I just feel like I'm beyond repair and I'm so frustrated, depressed and lonely yet it's like a catch 22 because even though I'm lonely, I don't want to meet more people since the people usually disappear eventually for reasons I'm not sure of. I'm always nice to people so I don't get it. I also am very unhappy with my living conditions which add to this unhappiness but don't have the money to move. I've gotten to the point where I just can't try anymore. I feel like I'm defeated. I have no friends and don't have the strength or the trust to make any more.