I've messed everything up

It seems like my last post I went and jinxed everything!! My boyfriend has turned around and told me he can't cope with me anymore and that he can't bear to be near me :( I've had problems with depression anxiety and insecurities for around 9 months now and it seems like I have well and truly pushed him away.

All over a small disagreement about this stag do he is going on soon. He was basically insinuating that it wasn't a big deal for him to get a lap dance at a strip club but I feel as though it's not acceptable if your in a relationship. It just upsets me especially when I am insecure anyway, and he basically said in the end that he saw my point and that he wouldn't do it to me and that he's grown out of that kind of stuff. I then just asked whether he would be easily led by his mates etc if they did it and then he just lost it completely - got dressed, said every insulting thing possible to me, said he can't take my shit anymore, calling me a dirty slag, telling me to fuck off the lot - he thinks When I am voicing my insecurities to him that I am trying to be manipulative and make him feel shit on purpose but at the moment if I get a thought in my head I can't bottle it up and it overwhelms me to the point I need to say something to make myself feel better or it kills me inside :(

He's right when he calls me selfish because it is really but I can't bare the suffering with these thoughts - my head is my own worst enemy & it's like he thinks I'm enjoying being this out of control anxious bitch.

When I cry because it's too much he accuses them of being crocodile tears when they aren't at all I'm genuinely feeling terrible

I feel so hopeless - all my support systems are gone. My friends are all busy and don't Quite understand, my mums gone, my dad doesnt like talking about problems and now the love of my life has abandoned me too :(

I'm so low and lonely and feel miserable

7 Replies

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  • I'm really sorry about what has happened. There are a lot of people who don't understand depression and anxiety and think we are babies who can't "snap out of it." There are always going to be people like that in our lives and that's why it's important that we surround ourselves with supportive peers. It sounds like your ex is not someone you need in your life, but your heart will be broken for awhile. Please engage in healthy activities to relieve your stress because moping around is the worst you can do. Good luck!

  • Oh dear, you did say you were suffering from insecurity and I answered your other post. I'm sorry this has happened and all I can think is maybe you could get yourself some counselling to try and deal with the feelings that you get. It's not likely you can repair your relationship from what you have said but maybe see it as a lesson for next time. Getting excessively jealous possessive or needy is a massive turn off in any relationship and you need some help to help you get stronger in yourself I think.

    Sending hugs your way. I know how awful you must be feeling right now and sorry I can't make it right instantaneously but hopefully in the long run you can move on from this. Gemma x

  • I am really sorry. I hope you can find some help.

  • Some parents manage to separate without blowing everyone's world up and im sure if your mum could go back in time and do things better she would. Their splitting up has rocked your whole foundation so its no surprise you have felt insecure about yours.

    I think its important for your future to talk to your mum because pushing her away and punishing her will punish you too.... Its possible for you to still have a relationship with her and i think it would help heal YOU if you could tell her everything .

    It sounds to me like you were there for your dad and you needed someone to tell you that everything was going to be ok and it can be ok it will just need a lot of talking and a lot of patience

  • Hi

    I had the same thing. I clung to my now ex partner but he said he had problems of his own. He supported me to a point then we argued and that was it. I still rang him occasionally but the more i did that it became clear to us both the love had gone. It hurt as we had been together 9 years. Not married or living together though. I have met someone else now. I am still a bit vunerable but he seems nice. Im taking it easy day ny day. Ive told him about my depression and anxiety. He seems okay with that and admires my honesty.

    All i can say is that you fo need to surround yourself with people who care. Forget those who dont have time. A true friend will stick by you. Unless they have been where you are they dont understand.

    Remember positve positive. Day by day. Remind yourself you will get better. This is just temporary .

    Lots of love xx

    Sue

  • You need to surround yourself with people that can support you. Ask your GP for cognitive behaviour therapy, I think this technique could really help you :-)

  • I am so sorry. Why did he call you a dirty slag? This is unacceptable.

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