It seems like my last post I went and jinxed everything!! My boyfriend has turned around and told me he can't cope with me anymore and that he can't bear to be near me I've had problems with depression anxiety and insecurities for around 9 months now and it seems like I have well and truly pushed him away.
All over a small disagreement about this stag do he is going on soon. He was basically insinuating that it wasn't a big deal for him to get a lap dance at a strip club but I feel as though it's not acceptable if your in a relationship. It just upsets me especially when I am insecure anyway, and he basically said in the end that he saw my point and that he wouldn't do it to me and that he's grown out of that kind of stuff. I then just asked whether he would be easily led by his mates etc if they did it and then he just lost it completely - got dressed, said every insulting thing possible to me, said he can't take my shit anymore, calling me a dirty slag, telling me to fuck off the lot - he thinks When I am voicing my insecurities to him that I am trying to be manipulative and make him feel shit on purpose but at the moment if I get a thought in my head I can't bottle it up and it overwhelms me to the point I need to say something to make myself feel better or it kills me inside
He's right when he calls me selfish because it is really but I can't bare the suffering with these thoughts - my head is my own worst enemy & it's like he thinks I'm enjoying being this out of control anxious bitch.
When I cry because it's too much he accuses them of being crocodile tears when they aren't at all I'm genuinely feeling terrible
I feel so hopeless - all my support systems are gone. My friends are all busy and don't Quite understand, my mums gone, my dad doesnt like talking about problems and now the love of my life has abandoned me too
I'm so low and lonely and feel miserable