Fed up with people asking to do everything

Why am I the person who does everything for my mates, but when I need them, they are never there for me. Seriously has enough of their dramas at the moment. I have my own stuff going on without dealing with their dramas.   If this continues, my depression is going to flair up again and I am doing so well. I don't need this at the moment. 

because of everything going on I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!      

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10 Replies

  • I'm a people pleaser so I deal with this a lot. I suspect you're more mature and capable than your friends, able to make decisions etc. Do you find it hard to say no? 

    Get some answers ready so next time you're ready for them, a couple I use...... I would really love to help you, but I've already promised someone to study, shop, anything appropriate . You could have a headache. You'll come up with something better. If someone wants advice you can say you don't feel qualified to answer or ask someone who knows.

    You should feel good about being someone others look too, but you have to see to yourself first. VM

  • Well said.

  • You have to learn to say no sometimes. You have to take care of yourself.

  • Find new mates!  x

  • Oh that's so nice to here there is someone out there like me. 

    My family is the same, I never here from them unless they have a problem, need something fixing. 

    When I ask for help I never get a reply. My dad died a few months ago. He spent the last 6 months in hospital. I did everything, sorted out everything. My 3 brothers did nothing. Even now I'm sorting all his stuff and they are just waiting for the money when I sell everything. 

    You just need to walk away, you are number 1 if someone wants something just say you are busy, if someone wants advice just say I don't know. Just say no 

  • All good advice I so get where your coming from. Put you first. Xxx

  • Hi there hope you're Ok.  I suffer with depression and social anxiety.  when I was young I was brought up in an army life and taught treat other the way you want to be treated and I live that to the extreme now to the point I have had cbt and now in counselling. What I have learned in the last year it does not matter how many friends you have you only need one to be there for you. My friends circle has shrunk since I came out of hospital last year. I have learned I can't make everyone happy and that I don't NEED people in mylife who pull me down. I can't help anyone if I can't look after myself. I hope you have that one special friend that's there for you. Take care. X

    Hope this helps and makes sense I'm not very good at putting things into word's 

  • Well,Princess, I expect you're exaggerating a bit and that your mates are often there for you unless you've got a particularly bad set of mates. Doing a lot for your mates ,within reason is good, but you sound as if you're overdoing it a bit, perhaps in a desire to be popular. You also sound naturally helpful,which is wonderful but you probably need to have a set of excuses ready before they ask if you feel they are taking advantage of your good nature.

    When they ask try not to give an instant yes but think about it a bit. You can still say yes but only if its reasonably convenient for you. 

    It would be perfectly reasonable to say that you've given so much recently to helping others that you need some time to sort your own problems. Your popularity won't suffer as a result.


  • If you have always been there for all your mates, you probably have the reputation of being helpful and strong. Sadly, in that situation, it is often not about them refusing to help you but more about them thinking you are the one who never has problems!!  They need to be disabused of that thought. Seek them out as they have sought you out. 

  • Sorry, but all this talk about being helpful and strong, or more mature as someone else said, sounds like the sort of flattery used to manipulate soft touches. Yes this is a bit cynical, but often the asker is perfectly capable of sorting their own problems, but has found it easier to dump on you.

    If you avoid calling them on this the situation will never change.

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