Evening guys, hope all is well.
Tomorrow is a big day for me as I have a massive assessment at the hospital for my mental health. As far as what I know it'll be me and 3 other professionals in there for a good hour at least. They'll assess all my meds and make sure I'm suited for it and change any where needed.
I've had a good couple of days and it's just this point I'm slowly slipping. Sometimes I just wish I had an escape but I don't. It's a bunch of stuff just going on in my head that I cant even explain because, I don't even understand it myself to be honest. I can never judge what I'm going to be like the next day anymore, I literally have to take it a day at a time.
I try so hard to be okay. To make people around me happy and all I feel is just this dark cloud raining over me. I wish I could just tell people what is truly going on in my head without caring about what they'll do, say or think. I take everything to heart and I mean everything and then I just over think it all and drive myself crazy.
I like to get into body mods when I'm in this state so, I usually plan my mods whether it be what's getting pierced or tattooed next to should I get scarification or implants etc. I guess you could say it's a form of self-harm which I resort to when I feel like this and you're probably right. I try not to self harm but it's just so easy to feel that release that I so need to feel daily.
i just feel lost right now. would it be considered quitting if I just upped and left? If i just ended this all?
The worst thing is, when i feel this way, I feel at home because I know how to cope with it all I guess.