Anxiety, depression and relationships

[depressionconsumesme]

Hi everyone, I am a 21 year old woman going through a really tough time at the moment.

I found out this week I may never be able to have children, I have severe IBS to the point where I can't eat without rushing to the toilet with diarrhea, had a terrible car accident 2 months ago and am in quite a bit of debt. Depression and anxiety rule my life at the moment. I used to be so fun and loud and crazy and outgoing. Now, most days, I stay in, avoid going outdoors like the plague and hate any form of human contact, it makes me squirm.

I have the most lovely boyfriend in the world. He has aspergers syndrome but is absolutely beautiful inside and out. He does everything for me. He is so understanding, so caring and loving.

Yet I push him away. I don't know why, I have my days where I'm really really clingy and I feel as though I love him so much and that I never want him to leave my side, and I have other days where I don't want him in my sight because he can be quite overbearing. We've been together nearly 2 years and he has recently been talking about marriage. On my good days (days where my anxiety and depression is not as bad) I'm like yeah, lets get married tomorrow! haha. And then on my days where I feel low, I think "The last thing I wanna do is get married to you". Arghh it's driving me crazy!

When I'm happy, I know I love him with all my heart. And when I'm sad, I question every part of my life, including him. I don't wanna miss out on a good guy, because I've been with horrible men all my life, I've been cheated on, abused etc. and now I finally have the "perfect" man and I feel like I don't know how to act! He works hard, he buys me gifts (it's not all about that, I know), he has goals and dreams, he is funny, handsome, etc. so why am I doubting him? We're really good together and when I'm happy, our relationship is soooo good! But when I'm having my down days I'm literally all over the place and sort of push him out

I don't want to be like this! He deserves a really good girlfriend because he's an amazing person!

Does anybody else act like this with their anxiety or am I just an ungrateful sod?

Please be honest!

Thank you for your time xx

[Gambit62]

You have got a lot on your plate

One thing- have  your B12 levels ever been tested - IBS,problems conceiving, depression and anxiety are all amongst the effects of being deficient. Changes in mood and finding it really difficult to interact with people - including those close to you are also symptoms - but then they are also closely linked to depression and anxiety.

This is a link to a checklist of symptoms just in case you want to reflect on how well it fits.

pernicious-anaemia-society....

The tests done for it aren't as specific as they could be.  The range of symptoms is extremely wide and most GPs aren't aware of either of those last two so even when the test has been done find out the precise result - don't take 'normal' as meaning it couldn't be an issue.  If you think it fits then you may want to point your GP to this site

pernicious-anaemia-society....

and I'd also recommend joining the PAS forum on health unlockedhealthunlocked.com/pasoc

Even if it doesn't seem likely I think you are being really hard on yourself.  You genuinely have a lot on your plate at the moment and actually withdrawing and being hard on those around you is one of the common defence mechanisms.  It might possibily help - particularly given that your partner has aspergers which makes communication difficult - looking at some couples counselling to help you keep the communications open - RELATE is one possibility - they will charge for services but I think they can reduce the fees if the clients are in financial difficulties.

[Auntyp62]

Oh my goodness, you sound like my daughter was before she took b12. So pleased to see what advice gambit has given you. So much is blamed on depression as being psychological but it often comes from a physical problem .....please follow this up

[alfie19]

Just like you at the same age I was childless with Unexplained Infertility and failed IVF twice I got very depressed and found it very hard to talk to anyone about it and sadly Divorced but since remarried.

Now I am over 60yrs I have seen several Counsellors but only cos I shouted at my GP I needed help please please ask for help and support from your GP and Infertility Clinic everyday I fight this depression so it does not get a hold of me but life has to go on with or without children.  I was told and it was painful Well Kids soon grow up and move on Why Dont You...How heart breaking that was to hear that But sadly it is true