Diverticulitis and Depression

Hello again, my Diverticulitis has been extremely bad the last few days, on top of that my" Friend " who I bought a mobility scooter for helping me by doing my shopping and banking is no longer coming round! I know its nothing I have done ( could be because I no longer give him money every time he gets a loaf or a of milk I just can't afford it any more!) Back to the subject I am in constant pain and every time I try to eat I am violently sick and literally pouring out the other end, my depression is very bad because of this I am sure. I really am afraid now, I am Scared of telling my Dr as it may end up me going back to hospital and I am petrified of hospital after seeing what happened to my Mum ,she is physically OK now but is not here mentally its as if she has Alzheimer's ! So now I don't know what to do? I have always said I will go to Switzerland to end it when it gets too much ,but I can't yet due to my drug addicted daughter stealing my "FO" money . I know how wrong I am to think the way I am thinking just now but the pain and frustration is too much to handle, I do trust Drs but am now so afraid of hospital's I don't want to get involved with them what do I do ? I am in my fifties and am acting like a child I know my fear is irrational but can't get it out of my mind , I also know I need help , I admit that now I can't keep trying to do this myself anymore. I really am afraid now even though I know I am being stupid!

[KNOW_OCD_MOR_THAN_ME]

You're not stupid, you're struggling how to handle fighting/facing your fear x

[Hidden in reply to KNOW_OCD_MOR_THAN_ME]

Thank you for that, my Dr just gives pills not referrals sadly,

[Maman2144]

You are not stupid, but it does sound as if you professional help. See if your GP can get you some counselling. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help. I left it for a year before I got help with the result that I was much more deeply depressed and needed to take higher doses of meds. Please take care of yourself. Hugs and regards Lorna

[Hidden in reply to Maman2144]

I had telephone counseling but I could not handle that,it was too weird telling a telephone what your thoughts are

[deejames]

If you are vomiting up everything you eat and its been more than a day then I reckon you need at least to be calling NHS 24 and getting advice.

The rest is demoralising but its seems you have been very trusting with your daughter to allow her access to this money. I do hope its not going to be for going to Dignatas or a similar clinic. Do you really want to die ?

Fear of Altziemers is horrible. I have it too as my mother and grandmother had it but hospitals don't give you the disease. They can make it worse if it is there already but at your age it's very unlikely.

Get the immediate problem of your stomach bug or whatever it is sorted out and then off to the GP to get help with the other issues.

Hope all goes well.

Dee

[Hidden]

Thanks Dee , it seems a bit better today and I did get a bit of sleep, as far as trusting my daughter, I don't! I did not know she knew where I kept it but she found it last time I was in hospital for Diverticulitis, I no longer allow her near my home or me for that matter! She was living with her Grandmother until she passed ,I did not have any contact with her as a child as per agreement with her Grandmother (I did pay for her upkeep until she was 16) and I have researched Dignitas and that is my intention when my pain can no longer be managed!

[Hidden]

I should have said I do not want to die,but the money was for when I can't handle my physical or emotional pain any more, at the moment I am trying my hardest to cope, but finding things too hard, I have lived my life from what I know trusting in others. I believe that you should trust things until you are proven that you cannot trust them, apparently many people trust me! Even after I had my breakdown, unfortunately I have never been able to get back in to business as I know I would never be able to cope again.

[Hidden]

Hello Dell

I do not know how old you are, in the past I had your condition and my Father suffered with it for about ten years and had too wear a bag. With me I changed my diet and now it consists of a high fibre diet with a great deal of fruit. I have not seemed to have suffered from it now for quite a long time so all I can suggest is that you talk to your GP and take advice

With regard to your Mother and a dementia, I am going through all the basic tests and CT scans. The mental aptitude tests are very extensive and irritating, some people become fed up with the initial tests, The CT scan on the brain only takes a few mins and is painless, if not uncomfortable, so the pathway is well drawn out and there is nothing to do but accept the lot presented to you, even when you may get annoyed.

So all I can suggest is that your Mother has words with the GP.

With regard your final visit to the Alps I am unable to advise there. I do not know your conditions or reasons why you would wish to terminate, you need to understand if they feel conditions do not need the final solution they will defer on your wishes.

All I would suggest is talk to your GP regarding your feelings and your Practice may be able to help in other ways

Good Luck

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

BoB my Mum doesn't understand what's going on around her ,she is lucid for a few minutes then goes back to whatever dream or nightmare her mind takes her to, this is all because of prescribing her a medication they knew she would suffer anaphylaxis she was in a right state hospital advised all the family to get there asap! It really was that bad. I have to take fibrogel as I cannot eat fruit and the only veg I eat is potatoes cauliflower and broccoli (I eat onoin and garlic raw as they help clean the blood ) I am not afraid of Drs or operations as have had so many already, but am petrified of mistake, s I had to be brought back after my last op as I crashed on the table the Surgeon told me that.. I have been on a high fibre diet (powders that you add water to ) I know that I am being a coward ,but I genuinely can't help my fear .as irrational as it is .

[Hidden]

You seem to handle everything life throws at you BoB . if only you could package your coping strategies you would be a very rich man! I do listen to you because you always say what I need to hear. I have Diverticulitis, osteoarthritis, degenerative skeletal disease, they tell me I have PTSD ,but I think it's just I had a breakdown after things got to much for me to handle, I suffered not only a mental breakdown but also a physical one. I am agoraphobic and have bad panic attacks , I think I know why I am agoraphobic but don't know for certain, I have paid a lot of attention to what I have been told by Drs to try to get it under control but without success, my reason for having my "FO" money for Switzerland is I at least want some kind of control in how I leave this place, (I now know how stupid that sounds,) I have photos of myself when I was younger doing all sorts of what is now called extreme sports but now can not even go out my front door without help I can't walk without aids I have nothing more to give yet I really want to get back to good health so I can be a useful part of society, sorry for being a whinger its just this is the only place where I can say it how I feel. Thank you for listening and hopefully understanding

Derek