Hello again, my Diverticulitis has been extremely bad the last few days, on top of that my" Friend " who I bought a mobility scooter for helping me by doing my shopping and banking is no longer coming round! I know its nothing I have done ( could be because I no longer give him money every time he gets a loaf or a of milk I just can't afford it any more!) Back to the subject I am in constant pain and every time I try to eat I am violently sick and literally pouring out the other end, my depression is very bad because of this I am sure. I really am afraid now, I am Scared of telling my Dr as it may end up me going back to hospital and I am petrified of hospital after seeing what happened to my Mum ,she is physically OK now but is not here mentally its as if she has Alzheimer's ! So now I don't know what to do? I have always said I will go to Switzerland to end it when it gets too much ,but I can't yet due to my drug addicted daughter stealing my "FO" money . I know how wrong I am to think the way I am thinking just now but the pain and frustration is too much to handle, I do trust Drs but am now so afraid of hospital's I don't want to get involved with them what do I do ? I am in my fifties and am acting like a child I know my fear is irrational but can't get it out of my mind , I also know I need help , I admit that now I can't keep trying to do this myself anymore. I really am afraid now even though I know I am being stupid!