Heartbroken and distraught after losing Suzie my cat

Heartbroken and distraught after losing Suzie my cat


My 15 year old Cat wasn't well for months lost lots of weight and really hasn't seemed happy or being herself hiding and not enjoying life or cuddles like she use to. The vet came and put her to sleep last Wednesday she had pale gums which meant she either had failing organs and had a lot of pressure on her heart due to this but I'm ridden with guilt as I should of asked for other options she seemed herself just half an hour before the vet came I'm devastated and feel I've done the wrong thing. I did ask the vet if she felt that was the right thing and she said yes if she hasn't been herself how can I stop feeling this way I can't stop crying can't eat or sleep she was my baby, my best friend and was with me through all the good and bad times would she forgive me for what I've done and will this guilt/heartbreak ever go

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51 Replies

  • Hi and m so so sorry about your little cat. As a cat owner now, I lost be cat three years

    Ago and I was so upset and guilty and I think it's natural to feel like this.

    When cats get old like yours, their quality of life is not the same and I think you

    Did the right thing, by having her out to sleep. She gave you love and company for all

    Those years and your grieving. How about picking out some lovely photos of her and

    Making a little collage of her, I found that putting some photos of my Little cat Shazza

    Helped me a bit.

    Grief for a pet takes time and there is no quick fix, I'm sure you were a great owner,

    And I think when we lose someone either human or a pet, guilt makes us feel we could

    Have done more. I hope you feel a bit better soon, but I know myself when my cat

    Had to be out down , I was crying too and very upset for ages.

    Please look after yourself and let us know how your doing, and you know it

    Helps to talk it over too, don't be afraid of tears as they are healing.

    I'm sending you a big hug, and if you need to mail me for a chat please do.


  • Thank you so much Hannah that is really kind of you.

  • I'm so sorry and I echo everything that Hannah has said. It will take time and you must trust that the Vet gave you the right advice. They are not going to put a healthy animal down if it can be helped. I'm sure if there was any other options she would have said.

    Maybe when you have got over losing this cat, you could give another cat a good home to heal the pain you are feeling now.

    Big hug


  • Thank you Xx

  • Hi I am so sorry for your loss and I emphasise. Yes the guilt will go in time but you will always have a special place in your heart for her.

    My last beloved cat was 17 when I had to have him put down. I put him in his basket and took him to the vets to be killed. For 4/5 days afterwards I felt like a cat murderer and couldn't face myself in the mirror. I was distraught. Then peoples messages such as 'He had a good life' and 'You did the right thing as you couldn't see him suffer' could get through to me and they were right. I felt a lot better after that.

    You did the right thing, the vet wouldn't have done it if s/he had any doubts. The worse part of being a pet owner is having to do this but a good pet owner does. You were a good pet owner and put her out of her misery.

    Don't forget animals don't view death as we do, all they know is they hurt and she was wasn't she? You did the good and right thing by her.

    There is a wonderful piece of writing called 'Rainbow Bridge' I am going to find it and put it on here for you now. This greatly comforted me and I hope it will you.

    Take care sweetheart. Bev xx

  • Thank you for your kind words Xx

  • Rainbow Bridge

    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

    Bev xx

  • That is beautiful thank you so much. I keep thinking that it may have been too soon as the look on her face still haunts me when they put her to sleep just hope she would have understood why and forgives me sounds silly I know! I loved her with all my heart and made sure she wasn't stressed out at the end so I got the vet to do it at home xx

  • She knows and she understands. She had a good life and is at peace now. I had a beautiful cat called Suzie once. She was only 9 when she passed as she had cancer. I always call her my perfect cat. Bev xx

  • Oh Bev, I'm crying and crying now!

  • Oh don't cry Sarah love. Bev xxx

  • Aaw think all cats named Suzie are beautiful and are little angels. Thank you so much for your support I'm glad I found this forum don't think anyone else understands how hard it is until they have had a loving pet that was like family. Thanks again you are very kind xx

  • You are very welcome love. A lot of us have been there and know exactly what it is like unfortunately. I have another one now who is nearly 2 and he is nothing like my last one.

    The other one was agrophobic and very timid and shy. This one loves being outside catching mice and birds, but so far has not tried to bring any in thank goodness. He sits on the wall tarting himself for a pet from passers by and crosses roads giving me a heart attack.

    He is also the clumsiest cat in the world (unlike my other ones). He will sit on the inside window ledge for ages then suddenly I hear a crash, bang, wallop and he has fallen off again ;) xx

  • Aaw bless him they are little characters they have so much to give in every sense. Thanks again lovely I'm so touched by everyone being so kind Xxx

  • Really sorry to hear that you have lost your cat. It is very difficult but you did do the right thing as otherwise she would have been suffering.

    I sometimes think that our relationship with our pets is such that it's not just about losing the pet it's also about losing a bit of ourselves and adjusting to the change does take time.

    Grieving is a process and you just need to be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time to get through it. Part of the process is managing to move from remembering the death to actually remembering the life that came before it - that's one reason why a good funeral director tries to get relatives to talk about the life of the person who has passed ... and why there is a focus on sharing memories of the person's life as part of funerals and wakes.

    I still have the ashes of the last cat of mine that passed upstairs in a beautiful box - I wasn't able to be there when he went to sleep for the last time so felt that I wanted to have some way of relating in a concrete way to the fact that he wasn't there anymore. I never managed to get round to burying him and probably won't. I was thinking of not having another cat (he was the last of what had been 4 cats in the house at one point) but I can't live without a cat so now have 2. Each one is different - one of my current monsters takes frustration when the weather is bad out on the loo roll upstairs. In the past one of the earlier cats had a thing about toffee papers and would bring wrappers home as trophies ... with the current cats it tends to be bits of sealant (no idea where they get it from.

    Sharing some of your memories of your cat when she was alive - the funny things she did might help.

  • Thank you I'm sure when I can stop crying I will be able to reminisce about all the funny times we had just can't handle even looking at her photos at the moment. You sound like you have your hands full we wouldn't want it any other way with our furballs her favourite was waking me up every morning at 2 to bring me anything that made a big noise or ruffling noise and always fell asleep soon after that the little princess she was. Thank you Xx

  • Oh goodness what a beautiful photograph. She looked a happy, loved cat. I'm crying myself reading your post.

    It is natural to feel guilt but you did the right thing. I would be absolutely distraught as well and overwhelmed with grief. I've had cats before and I've got my first dog - a two year old jack Russell cross. I can't imagine being without him. So I completely understand how you feel.

    You are in my thoughts and your beautiful cat. I hope she is at peace.

    Sarah xxxx

  • Thank you for your kind words Sarah really miss seeing that pretty face everyday she was an old girl but never aged in her face. I am truly heartbroken and know it will take a lot to get over this but she will always be in my heart all I have to cling on to to comfort me is other people's kind words of reassurance on here I did the right thing and she will be in peace now. Thanks again I'm so touched by everyone on here xxxx

  • I stopped in in my own today as I felt I had to get over the hurdle of being in the house in my own again after so long. I had made plans with my BF who said he totally understood only to be woken by a text finishing the relationship . Men really do know when to let you down when you need them the most 😥😥

  • What a sh*t. Ending it by text. However if he is not the sort who is able to be there for you in times of stress then maybe you are better off. He has been tested and found wanting.

  • Definitely better off I'm going through enough at the moment need support nothing else. Thanks for your message take care x

  • Hi there and I'm so sorry thAt you have had more pain after losing

    Your like Suzie. Words fail me, and I guess these things happen, but

    Dumping someone by text is disgusting. All I can say is that you areMuch better off without a guy who can do this.

    Your life can only improve. Please stay around for support and TLC


    Sending you a big hug.

    Hannah x

  • Thank you again Hannah don't think I would be coping at all without you guys you are all so kind. I'm going to try and sleep tonight I'm exhausted with crying constantly miss my baby so much x

  • Your welcome Hun. It's natural to be tearful, when I had to get my Shazza put asleep, I kept crying for about 2 weeks, and I felt awful, At least we can feel, we miss them because they touched our hearts.

    Please take care of yourself and each day will help you, you did

    The best for Suzy so please do t beat yourself up. Mail me any time, as I understand how you feel.

    Hannah x

  • Aaw thank you Hannah I will definitely keep in touch everyone has really touched me how kind you all are its made me realise I made the right decision for her don't think I would have gotten through the weekend without you kind people. Thanks again speak soon honey x

  • I understand. It is a hard thing to do and it's normal to feel that way. I've been through it too 😥 My cat is 17 yrs old now and starting to lose weight. Hugs and prayers to you sweetie. You did the right thing for your fur baby even though it's sad

  • Chubbers have you thought about asking the Vet for a Vit B ?6 or 12 jab, we did that over 20 years ago for one of ours cats having been told it was a kidney problem, and it gave him another 4/5 months!

  • Thank you for your kind words my heart goes out to you too honey xx

  • hi heartbroken sorry to hear of the loss of your cat ! ive lost pets my self the way i got over it was telling my self it would be selfish of me to keep a cat that was clearly ill alive for my own selfish reasons dont get me wrong i grieved the cat but eventually put it behind me ! ive now got a house rabbit who is very spoiled believe me infact it was her birthday yesterday we made it extra special for her ! please remember the good times you had and try not to dwell on her passing if your thinking of your cat shes there in your heart always take care david x

  • Thank you for you kind words David x

  • I well know how it is to love a cat this much. My love and sympathy to you. Now, you please listen to what I have to say. That cat was blessed to live her life with your love... She ...her soul essence, CHOSE to die when she did.... I believe this with all my heart. What is important is that you now picture her as she is... free, well, happy...over that Rainbow Bridge and all is well with her. Please know these are not just 'pretty words' but the truth... SHE herself would tell you "ALL IS WELL." The pain will eventually lessen and you will heal...

    PLEASE get another cat soon... Susie would like that. I got my wonderful Ervin from Dumb Friends League in Denver 6 days after my Wonderful Rowan (17 years) died... You have so much love to give. NO...it is NOT too soon to do this.... You have so much love to give... bless another pet with that wonderful love.

    Hugs to you, BettyA

  • Thank you for your kind words Betty it's a comfort to think that I didn't let her down after all x

  • Hi I think it depends on the person how soon they get another pet. 6 weeks after I had to put my beloved cat put down a friends cat had kittens. I picked out mine and got him 8 weeks later. It was a bit soon for me and my first thought was I can't bear to go through it all again, but I did miss having a cat around. He will be my last one now though as I am 62 and don't want one to outlive me. x

  • Hello.

    Suzie is so beautiful........I am waiting to phone the vet and I have done the oppositie to what you worry about. i think I have left it too long. Couchla is my wonderful wild boy from 'death row' in the sSPCA all those years ago. He was given to me as a feral and sleeps on my bed. I adore him as do my other cats. eVen the dogs don't bother him.

    I am just about to phone the vet and hope he can put Couchla out of pain and possible heart failure. Loving animals is so easy, and letting them go is so hard.

    Thank God there is an animal heaven.

    You'll see Suzie then too.

    Heather x

  • Thank you Heather for you kind words it's the hardest thing to go through as they are our family but we try and hold on it's never going to be the right time but we know in our hearts eventually it's for the best. Take care honey my thoughts go out to you in this difficult time xx

  • Hi there so sorry to hear about Suzie ~she is lovely! You have done right by her and she is in kitty heaven now playing and doing the things she likes to do! I have 3 cats and Poppy my oldest is 15 as well ,she has a touch of arthritis ,but at present OK ~but when the time comes like you I would do the right thing by her!

    My dearest cat Mickey was murdered 10 years ago by someone who gave him antifreeze ~I can't tell you what it was like for him ~he had to be hooked up on a drip etc ~we spent hundreds of pounds to get him better ~ but alas he lost his fight!

    I had to be off work when ,we lost him + still miss him to this day! Have his photo on the windowsill and my screen saver!We never found out who gave him the antifreeze ~who could be so cruel?

    Don't feel guilty ! You wouldn't have wanted Suzie to suffer! Time is a great healer , and given time you will start to heal yourself!

    Once you feel stronger go to the Cats Protection League where there are lots of cats who could do with a loving friend like you!

    In the meantime take care of yourself and give yourself time to grieve!


  • Hi Kath thank you so much for your kind words I miss her so much hope the tears stop falling soon and remember the happy times and she won't be upset for letting her go. I'm so sorry to hear about your Furbaby there is so many heartless creatures out there. Thank you again for your kind words life is a struggle at the moment give your little man a hug from me that's what I miss the most x

  • Hi you will start to feel better ~even though you don't feel like it now ~its still early days for you! It took me some time to get over Mickey! When we lost him Poppy went into depression ,she was so sad and missing him so we went to the Cat Protection to get a pal to keep her company ~We got Ko~Ko who was 3 months old and then a couple of years ago ~a kitten was wanting a home (or goodness knows what would have happened to him) and he is Twiglet ! Let me know how you are! And just take your time to get over your beloved Suzie!

    Over the years we have lost pets (Rabbits and Guinea pigs) and when I was a child ~dogs ! And always takes some time to get over the loss!

    Will give my three a hug from you!!They would like you as their pal!

    Take it easy!


    (Hugs and purrs from Poppy Ko Ko and Twiglet)

  • Thank you so much you are so kind I'll let you know how I'm doing 😥

  • Soz for late reply ~had tablet on charge! Hope you are feeling a bit better now! Take care and will be in touch in a week or so to see how you are feeling!

    Kath;-) ;-)

  • Hi not really didn't sleep at all last night but I'm sure it will get easier thanks again x

  • hi I'm sorry for your loss I have 2 dogs and 2 cats they mean the world to me. When we had to put our family dog down we questioned if it's right , if only they went in their sleep we wouldn't have to make tough decisions. He had more bad days than good and it was the right thing to do but again he was full of beans the day before so the guilt was there ! You have to trust the vet and remember you have given your cat a fantastic life the hurt and guilt will pass it's like any loss time is a healer. Look after yourself xxx

  • Thank you so much for your kind words it's starting to sink in I did the right thing hope she's happy in Rainbow Bridge Xx

  • I am sure she is HB. I can't wait to see my pets there when it's my turn. I would rather see them again than most people ;) x

  • Me too lovely we get unconditional love from our pets and they never break our hearts until they leave us and go to Rainbow Bridge. Thank you so much for all your support its just what I need in this difficult time 😥

  • ..so sorry to hear of Susie, Heartbroken. I can only empathise with you and the others in their condolences and thoughts and add my own. We had over the years 5 different cats in the UK, losing and like you feel now, yes the passing of every one of them was distressing, even when we know we are helping them by not reducing their quality of life and suffering.

    Over here a couple of years ago, I had I feral cat, for only 3 months, that I'd volunteered to have although I'd just lost my car in an accident, a lovely young jet black one I called Noir, I deflea'd and wormed him, fed him I had to move from my countryside rented home when I realised that with a previous brain Injury and. O transport, it was not practical and so because I couldnt just abandon him, got him rehomed via an expat Cat Charity, a long long journey via 2 others who collected him and everything I'd bought for him - fed and looked after him till transferred - sadly a vets inspection at the Charity revealed he had cat leukaemia and he was put down! I'd only had him a couple of months, my new next home was on a busy village road with several lorries and cars - I didn't think it fair to take a countryside cat to a potentially dangerous village - so I think perhaps for Noir it was his fate to die peacefully and painlessly - not by accident!

    Now I feed an abandoned cat, who is used to the village traffic, boy can she run fast - she adopted me at a time I was feeling particularly low - perhaps Noir sent her a message! have over time, healed her red-raw neck from a too tight collar, with germoline, also deflea'd and wormed her and she repays me with unconditional love, appearing as and when she is hungry!

    I only tell this because like you, I have also felt guilt and remorse - and as long as we know we always have and will do our best for our lovely furry friends who were part of our families, yes the feelings will pass and you will look at her photo again - with love and again yes, a little sorrow in your heart but the good memories will outweigh the bad ones!

    As for the BF - he's definitely a s***t, as someone wrote - NOT worth spending time on!

    Look after yourself - My thoughts are with you S x

  • Dear Heartbroken.

    Suzie and you loved each other, that's obvious, and she would've known it. Animals have a great capacity for hiding when they are not well, its to protect themselves from predators who would prey on their weakness. You could not have known. l do understand tho' as l have beaten myself up for years for not letting my dog go (being put to sleep) soon enough. l blame myself for her suffering for longer than she needed.

    lt has taken years for me to accept that we are only human and can only do our best.

    Try to take comfort in the fact that Suzie is free from suffering , loves you and everything you did for her, and will see you again when the time is right.

    Whether you believe in this, l do not know. l can assure you, l didn't , but have since had proof.

    Take care and be good to yourself X

  • Thank you for your kind words I do believe and hope in time I will see her again thanks again lovely x

  • Hi I've been reading through all the messages again and your comments that I will see Suzie again. You didn't believe this but have since had proof just wondered what that was if you don't mind me asking. I really hope I see Suzie again I have friends that have seen their pets soon after they died and hope one day this will happen to me as I miss her so much x

  • Hi. l don't know how this works . Can l send a personal reply or does it have to be public ?

  • I think it's public don't worry if you don't want to say on here I totally understand x

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