Hello :D

My name is Jaquan Hoover I am 20 years old and been through a lot in 2015. I met a girl in the summer and we became closer throughout the summer she had a daughter named leylani she had quite a few disabilities but was so full of life. Anyways I started dating her Mom and I grown attach to leylani I always loved kids, so skipping ahead I find out I was going to be a father me and my girl was so happy to know leylani was going to have a little brother or sister few weeks later leylani died.. I never seen someone die let alone at a hostiptal they were just giving her CPR over and over and she wasn't responding me and her mother was so devasted, I'm trying to get over it but it's hard I don't feel like myself anymore. I forgot how to be a father and how to live life.. My girl hides her emotions and keep pushing forward cause we have another daughter to take care of and I want to as well but something is holding me back.. And I don't know what, I tried taking my life once because I was just so overwhelmed with life, back in 2015 I was jobless and I was fighting with my family a lot and I just couldn't take it, I just want to feel better for my daughters sake. I just want to feel happy, that I could do things and not bring myself down if I didn't succeed I blame myself for my girl daughter death because I accidentally gave her too much medicine one time I know it sounds ridiculous but throughout my life I had low confidence and if I were to mess up something I would get yelled at and made me feel bad, it messed me up so bad that I always say sorry a lot anyways I just want to try to get over it and move on and be the father my daughter deserves, lately when she cries I get easily frustrated and I don't mean to.. My girl says I be mean to her and that made me feel even lower in life. If you're reading this I thank you for listening and have a great day.

{Edited by admin to remove profanity}

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7 Replies

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  • I will thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me.

  • So sorry for your loss it's going to be a tough long journey for you all I lost my daughter six years ago and I'm still struggling se.ding you my love xxx

  • Thank you very much, I'm sorry for your loss and I'm proud that you tough it out those 6 years and still going that amazing to me I hope your life is as joyful as possible.

  • If you ever want a chat you can message me I understand how you are feeling xxx

  • Hi Jaquan

    Firstly i want to say how terribly sorry i am that you have gone through such a traumatic experience , both you and your girlfriend and your families must be devastated .

    Reading your post has really worried me and i dont know where you are but i do think you need to speak to someone about all of this .. It would be best if you could both go and see someone but if your partner wont agree you can do it alone....Im 50 years of age and have had many experiences in my life and i know i would be reaching out for some support if i was going through something like you are

    You need to give your doctor a call on Monday and ask for some grief counselling...

    I also need you to be aware that the post you have just made is not only visible on this forum...When you do a post it gives you 2 options on where you want it to be seen and thats either the forum community or everyone .. When you chose the community option only people who are members of this site can see it so if your ok about this post being on the web theres no need to do anything but if you want it kept for just this forum you need to edit it and chose the community option.

    Mandy

  • Hi I just want to say that I am sorry for what you are going going through but can't add to the excellent advice you have been given.

    You can amend your current post for community only if you click on the 'v' under your post, edit, then re-submit. While you are doing that can I request that you take out the 'f' word as foul language isn't tolerated on here. Thank you. x

  • Jay

    When someone has a child with chronic health problems, people feel for the child and if it is family members they show so many mixed emotions You were happy and had taken on this child as you loved both Mother and little girl, you were a family and you had been blessed by a further birth of both your Lady and yourself. You seem to have been over the moon with happiness and a good percentage of that has now been stolen from you.

    You now both need to talk to each other as a couple who has had a terrible loss, you both need to grieve together and understand the wonderful gift you have now and begin to look forward to your lives together. The other child has now gone, there is nothing you can do about it now, any errors and sadness, you need to move on and look forward to the new life that is your new daughter

    One suggestion, have words together with your GP, you need to grieve and talk this loss out so you can both move on

    BOB

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