This is the first time I'm sharing something private on the internet. Usually I'm not a fan of discussions in forums, but maybe this is a good place.
It's kind of hard for me to put what I feel into written words which many others will read, but I'll give it a try.
So actually I'm a happy person. I'm not missing anything in life – I lived a happy childhood, went through quite the usual stuff in my teens and am now happily studying my most favourite thing in the world at university since 2011.
I did have a bit of a rough time about three years ago. I was diagnosed with melanoma (I got away lucky and only had to do interferon therapy for 20 months after the operation - no fun, but I managed) and at the same time my boyfriend of six years cheated on me while abroad for five months and we broke up after a long fuss. I moved out of our flat and moved in with roommates in the town I study in. I have a boyfriend since two years now and I'm very happy in the flat I live in.
My boyfriend is also like my best friend. We really communicate well, we can talk about everything and he knows my monsters. We went through some rough weeks last year when I had broken up because I felt kind of overwhelmed and confused, but in the end I guess my lack of trust was to blame after being cheated on. We've spoken about everything and I know I'm safe with him.
I've seen a psychologist regularly during 2013 / '14 and also had regular but fewer meetings in 2015.
Well I think I should be happy then. It all sounds good and I think I should be happy and energetic. But on so many days I just feel sad and want to go to bed and sleep. I don't get anything done for university and don't feel motivated. Just this morning after my boyfriend left for uni I felt really sad. I need to get things done for uni but I just wanted to sleep (not for lack of sleep though).
I celebrated my birthday yesterday. My parents came for a visit and I made dinner for them and my boyfriend. It was a nice evening and I think I should just be glad about everything.
I'm also kind of sad that my best friend from uni moved back home last summer. I don't really have many friends. One other friend I like a real lot is always very busy so I don't want to bother her. So I stick to my boyfriend. My sister is abroad and another (former best) friend just had a baby and moved away too. We also had a bit of a fight but apologised.
Even if I don't get stuff done for uni right away (like working for a paper or presentation) because I keep procrastinating, in the end I usually do manage to get stuff done quite well, but I'm not happy with beating myself up for not getting it done with less procrastination.
Maybe someone has a thought on what I wrote.
Thank you for reading through my post.