feeling hopeless

hi all,

I have suffered with anxiety and depression on and off for almost 22 years, I have 4 beautiful children who make me proud everyday, an amazing grandchild and a close knit family network. I have been medication free and coping for almost 18 months, working full time for the first time in years.

A year ago my mum passed away suddenly and I felt that I was dealing with the grief and moving on the best I could. However since before Christmas I have been having anxiety attacks quite regular. Monday was the anniversary of my mums death and I suffered 3, 1 of which was at the graveside. If anything at the moment I feel worse, than I did a year ago when she passed away. I'm angry all the time and taking things out on the ones closest to me, I know that's how it goes unfortunately depression and anxiety makes you appear very selfish at times.

I have a great network of people that I can talk to, but I feel that they are fed up with my constant rants and melt downs (althou I'm sure their not), I'm slowly distancing myself from friends and making excuses not to meet with them or just ignoring their calls and texts, I know they care but don't feel I can be around them at this time. I'm throwing myself into my job, which I will be made redundant from in 5 weeks time.

I'm so low at the moment that I'm considering revisiting taking medication again, is this giving up, or being brave by asking for help. I feel so hopeless.

3 Replies

  • Hi there and I'm really sorry about your Mum. If you have suffered from Depression

    And Anxiety for 22 yrs in the past, then you do have a propensity for it. Depression tends to recur so my advice is to go back to your GP as soon as possible. Why do you

    Think it is giving up? It's far worse to be snapping at friends and family so take the

    Bull by the horns and go to GP, I'm sure you will feel much better very soon,

    Losing a Mom or anyone can be hard so don't be hard on yourself, best of luck

    And do let us know how you get on.


  • Sorry for your loss, generally a death can take over two years to get over it.

    You have just gone through the anniversary of your Loss, at a really bad time of the year. Is there anyone in the family that could still be having problems or is able to discuss this loss, it is important that you can talk out the loss so you can come to terms with your negative thoughts

    When I have lost people in the past I have always tried to imagine the happy times I had. Memories can be bittersweet you need to understand the memories you have are positive not sad, there is very little you can do regarding your loss just remember you need to be kind to yourself, and your Mother would not expect you to dwell.

    If you have done everything that you could have done when your Mother was alive this also can give you that relief. We all need time to move on many need longer than others,

    Be kind with yourself


  • Thank you Bob and Hannah for your kind words, I have visited my gp this morning and we both agreed that medication for now is probably my better option so I will be starting them again today.

    we are all as a family struggling to come to terms with the loss of my mum and we get together regularly to celebrate and talk about our happy memories of her, I hope in time that the pain will lessen for us all, and that we can cry less and smile more x

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