I have suffered with anxiety and depression on and off for almost 22 years, I have 4 beautiful children who make me proud everyday, an amazing grandchild and a close knit family network. I have been medication free and coping for almost 18 months, working full time for the first time in years.
A year ago my mum passed away suddenly and I felt that I was dealing with the grief and moving on the best I could. However since before Christmas I have been having anxiety attacks quite regular. Monday was the anniversary of my mums death and I suffered 3, 1 of which was at the graveside. If anything at the moment I feel worse, than I did a year ago when she passed away. I'm angry all the time and taking things out on the ones closest to me, I know that's how it goes unfortunately depression and anxiety makes you appear very selfish at times.
I have a great network of people that I can talk to, but I feel that they are fed up with my constant rants and melt downs (althou I'm sure their not), I'm slowly distancing myself from friends and making excuses not to meet with them or just ignoring their calls and texts, I know they care but don't feel I can be around them at this time. I'm throwing myself into my job, which I will be made redundant from in 5 weeks time.
I'm so low at the moment that I'm considering revisiting taking medication again, is this giving up, or being brave by asking for help. I feel so hopeless.