lonely and heartbroken

So there's three guys in my life

1)Roman he wont give me a chance because he has been hurt so many times he claims but still he wants to have sex which I don't feel like I am ready for I just want love.

2)ML my best friend he is always there when i need someone to talk and im there for him also we have cried infront of eachother.We cuddle but no sex we both agree that we dont want that but like Roman he wont give me a chance because his x cheated on him when they were engaged everyone always asks if we are dating.

3)Zack everyone tells me he is a bad boy and that I should stay away from him but he is willing to give me a chance but he only ever wants to talk about is my hair its like he has a hair fetish.

yet i feel something for all 3 guys and I dont know which one if any of them are worth fighting for.

10 Replies

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  • Well, I have some experience of each of these three scenarios, so although nobody can tell you what to feel in your heart, I'll gladly give my own thoughts.

    First of all I would certainly be wary of Roman - guys who want meaningless sex from someone who's vulnerable? Never a good thing, no matter what anyone says, or however much casual sex might have become common these days - if you want to feel loved, trust me, it will just make you feel dirty and used.

    Secondly, Zack - be very very careful here, I know bad boys can be attractive and exciting, and I know he gives you the attention you crave, but actually living with someone with an uncertain temper, a dodgy reputation or even just sketchy friends is really not somewhere you want to go.

    ML on the other hand, now he might well be worth waiting for, provided you're sure it won't ruin your friendship. A good rapport, feeling safe in each other's company, now there's a real basis for a relationship. There's every chance that with time he'll trust you enough not to tar you with the same brush as his ex, but it will take time and endless patience - make sure you're prepared to risk putting in that kind of commitment when you can't be sure it will ever lead to anything.

    Also, remember that most often the really special people come along when you're content to be alone and you aren't looking for anyone! ;-)

  • Hi this is a depression site - are you in the right place? x

  • 1. Ditch "Roman". He sounds like an opportunist looking to use you only for sex on the basis of being "hurt so many times" in the past. At least he's honest in only wanting sex I s'pose. If you want love, you're not going to get it from him. All he wants is your body. Try saying no a few more times to him and then sit back and watch him hit the floor running. You deserve better.

    2. Re ML: your post about him and what you want is a little confusing. " we don't want that but like Roman he won't give me a chance".

    You've indicated that neither one of you want more than friendship but then you go on to say he won't give YOU a chance. He sounds like

    he would be a better supportive friend than romantic partner but then that's up to you. How much do you value the friendship and are you prepared to risk it breaking apart if things go wrong romantically? Either way, he' s clearly not emotionally ready for a relationship anyway . Good friends are like hen's teeth, so respect what you both currently have. If something happens between the two of you in the future, then great. If not, that should be fine too. You'll still have a good friend.

    3. Ditch Zack as a romantic prospect. If it's only you're hair he's in awe of and not you the person overall, then you're seriously setting yourself up for the fall.

    In fact, wanting more from any of the above will potentially see you even more broken-hearted, lonely and depressed. These guys are clearly not able/willing to give you what you want. They've indicated as much to you both directly and indirectly.

    When people are lonely they're usually immensely vulnerable. Vulnerable folks generally make bad relationship choices. Been there, done that.

    I would strongly urge you to look elsewhere for a partner. Keep them as friends and enjoy their company and the different things they can offer you. But please, don't expect too much from them on the romantic front. As indicated, they've already told you of their feelings. With all due respect, you're not listening.

    There are many ways to meet potential partners, but first, work on healing your depression. You'll be less vulnerable for a start and less inclined to make poor choices. BTW, I have found that when I'm not actually looking, that's when the person I'm meant to be with actually finds ME.

    Live your life to the max. What you need will find you when you least expect it. Be kind to yourself.

    Best wishes x

  • Hi,

    It's great that you care about these guys. You talk about which one is worth fighting for and I wonder about the fourth option. The guy you haven't met yet. You seam to have a clear idea of what is going on with each of them but how do you feel about everything. Are you ready for a relationship right now?

    When you feel vulnerable and want to love and be loved you can think it is about a choice between the people in your life right now.

    I spent years looking for someone to love and who would love me. It wasn't until I became my own best friend that I started to feel happy. I'm not in a romantic relationship right now. I have some very good friends that I care about and who care about me. For now that is enough.

    You are putting lots of energy and time into these people but I guess I would ask what do you get out of it? Are they worth your time? Well only you can answer that. It all seams quite intense and that can be quite a lot of fun, but there is also a great risk of being hurt.

    My advice would be to focus on you for a while. Other than love, what do you want out of life.

    Ally

  • In the past I only found myself in a something the same and it ended up where the three relationships went pear shaped. Personally I cannot understand how you get the time for three relationships, in fact talking by experience I would run from anything like above as you are not really getting to know one person or giving a relationship time to grow and develop.

    All I can really say is you must have pretty hair and no understanding of people fears and needs. I hope you can make the decision you seek, and not make errors when it comes to exiting sex. Relationships are not Wham Bang, Thank You Mam

    Are you depressed ?

    BOB

  • Hi now I'm wondering if you Posted this to the right site, as this is a Depression Site, maybe a more boyfriend problem/ teen site would be more appropriate for you.

    Hannah

  • None of them your not ready for a relationship

  • How is your life sooo bad. wish I had at least one man interested. that isnt depression really.

  • I would ditch all three , have a time alone and find you ! find the girl you can be without one man never mind three and remember .

    You is strong

    You is beautiful

    You is perfect and don't let anyone tell you. different

  • I would try to enjoy being alone. If it's meant to be it will happen.

    Try to feel good you have people interested in, you have friends. A lot of people with depression find it really hard to maintain relationships at all, friends or otherwise. Make the most of your friendships. You can't push relationships.

    If you feel low you should visit your GP.

    Best wishes

    X

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