Can anyone help me

Hi all,,

I'm new to this site and my story is actually about my partner not me, I think he might have a personality disorder but I'm not sure as he also drinks alot of alcohol trust me it was hard to come to this myself coz of the drink but hear my story strange as it is before judging me.

Back in 2014 I was rushed into hospital unknown reason when the Dr's looked at me thay found I had cancer and informed my partner of this the operation I had to have and the risk of death involved ( hospital policy) well my partner didn't take it very well and started drinking but I made a full recovery from that one but it seems like my partner is morning me like i died back then he still drinks and it's worse than before but at the same time he helps me out with day to day things like he's two different people one admits he has a problem and needs help the other wants to drink himself to death or commit suicide I've tried everything I can think of but nothing is working well it wouldn't if it's not alcohol alone and I googled split personality when his actions hit me as that being a possibility after I read it one sounded like him I came here and posted this both me and my friend seen 5 out of 6 in the signs and symptoms but if he is how do I get him to have the test done against his will I think he matched the anti social disorder in cluster B.

Thanks for any advice you can give me

19 Replies

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  • Sadly in all these situations the only way a person can get help is when they realise that they have a problem. AA have a family support service and it may help you to talk to them. Good luck I feel for you.

  • I understand that you love him and your trying to help him but he will need to help himself, dealing with the alcohol will be the first step and then seeing a psychologist to deal with how he is coping mentally with your "cancer" issue. Maybe when he is sober would be the best time to try and encourage him to go to the doctor, don't go to them with your own diagnosis but just with the whole story and the symptoms. Sounds to me like he is suffering with severe depression and the alcohol will not help it only intensifies the feelings he is having. Tell him that there is another way rather than drinking to help himself and he should give it a try. Encourage him to read the posts on this site to identify that he is not alone in the way that he feels.

    I wish you both luck, you clearly love each other dearly and that will get you both through in the end.

    Hugs xxx

  • Hi Maria,

    Thanks for the advice but unfortunately I've already tried it I've even sent him home as my partner isn't from the UK and so he only has me here he refused any sites that claim it's him and drinking that's a problem I've talked to him both drunk and sober and I get more sense sober but he is a hypocritical person on somethings you talk about like his lazy brother getting married is winding him up yet he is just as bad

  • What does he say when he is sober? And why does he not want to help himself? You can only do what you have done he needs to be able to see his own way through this, you can not make him do what he does not want to do.

  • Hello and welcome

    I am not a doctor but what I do have, is years of experience dealing with every mental illness out there. First, split personality is very rare and I doubt your partner has that. I based my opinion on a few factors in your post..

    Your partner was traumatize by fear that he could have lost you to cancer. Just because you made a full recovery doesn't mean he made an emotional recovery. He could be still be experiencing anxiety from the fear of losing even though you are fine now. Perhaps it opened up for him loses in his childhood, and a fear of losing you . All of this coupled with his drinking could explain why he is acting out this way. . Or perhaps he could have a combination of things going on with him . He could be bipolar with depression and anxiety along with alcoholism and sounds more like it rather than a personality disorder much less antisocial disorder. Unless he is getting in trouble with the law which you didn't mention so I am assuming he isn't . Antisocial behavior presents different symptoms that you described and so does split personality disorder.

    The best thing for you and your partner to do first, is communicate with each other about your feelings, fears desires, and anything else that is worrisome to each other and than think about seeing a mental health professional and get a proper diagnoses and maybe with talk therapy and or medication would improve the quality of his life and everyone deserves that in this very short stay here on earth. That would the best for you and him. It makes for a better relationship too.

    I wish you and your partner a happy healthy life together.

  • Jennifer, I don't assume I made my story as short as possible but in my post I did say that I done everything for the drink correct? And I said I believe it was anti social cluster B and my friend and myself seen 5 out of 6 signs and symptoms if you look up that part of my chat I am giving you alot more than you think including law issues and hun I think I also have a good idear on mental health problems as I have been driven insane and came back from it with no help just pure will power.

  • Hi Wintersbite,

    I never said that you assumed anything. I said " I am assuming " Maybe it's me but I am having a hard time reading your post. You have a lot of run on sentences, and misspelled words in your post. I mean no disrespect by saying this. Only that it makes it difficult for me to get a grasp on what you are trying to describe.

    Like I stated I am not a physician nor am I a psychiatrist. All my opinions are based on years and years of experience dealing with my families mental health issues. Maybe it would be better for you to see a mental health professional and get a professional diagnoses. I wish you well and happiness too.

  • Hello there,

    No-one is going to judge you. It does not really sound as if your husband has a personality disorder. He just has a drink problem. It could be that the thought of losing you frightened him so much that he turned to drink to "drown" out his fears. It sounds like it made him really think about being alone and somehow that is frightening to him.

    Perhaps he has always had a fear of being alone. This can be rooted in the past, from past experience. Perhaps there was a time when he did feel alone. A lot of people feel like this. What can help him more than anything is talking to him. Communication at a time when he has not been drinking. Ask him what his fears are and reassure him that you are here to listen and be with him.

  • Hi gillym,

    I have already gone through the talking and showing I am there for him that's why I put done everything for drinking I myself don't and can't drink but my partner is what you call a light weight drinker a shandy can get him tipsy and I'm hardcore I don't get drunk but I opt not to touch the stuff as my health is more important than a poison and my partner knows this

  • You sound exasperated with it all. The truth of the matter is that if he does not want to help himself and it is causing a problem, there is nothing you can do. He really has to want to help himself. Perhaps you need to look after you.

  • Hello Wintersbite

    It would seem that when you were ill with Cancer, your husband used dink as a prop.

    The problem now is that the prop has become a problem in His life.

    In this case I do not really think it is a Mental Health problem as such, it would seem that He may have other problems you do not know about that is unrelated to your Cancer. I do not know the situation in your Home

    Your first stop is your GP who will be able to refer you on for CBT, at the same time under your GP direction get your man to join Alcoholic Anonymus (Sorry for Spelling).

    They can be found in the telephone directory or local offices on the internet. They generally work by giving support and a buddy system where two sufferers will give each other support.

    If you feel and He has said He wants to die, your GP will need to deal with that, if these feelings are really severe, telephone 111 and they will give assessment. That could be a place of safety or a recommendation to visit GP. If it is really severe they can refer to

    a hospital etc. An appointment may be sought with a Crisis Team, Who will assess the Mental Health of your Man

    It does seem however that He may now be addicted, support needs to be given. Just reading thread above I wonder if you have a drink problem as well. It would also seem you are a heavy drinker when drinking and your Husband seems to be unable to drink any great amount. I am a little confused regarding that situation.

    Could you both need help

    BOB

  • Bob I hate the poison it's a killer and it's legal just so the government can make money it's legal death and crime if it was made illegal tomorrow i would be having a coffee party all year

  • I am concerned for both of you. If dink is the problem within your home in whatever fashion you should take advice and arrange some form of support.

    I drink on a regular bases, three nights a week, it amounts to 2 ltrs of pear cider and a .5 Ltr of strong ale and triple malt whisky. That is all and it is not causing any problem, my wife does not drink

    Drink in itself is not evil it is those who drink too much that causes the problems.

    If the problem is marked you need help, please talk to your GP and approach A.A.

    We are always around to give support

    BOB

  • I would suggest getting in touch with Al anon.......http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

    They can offer you advice and support about your concerns regarding your partner but the fact is even if he did have a personality disorder and even if you did get him to do a test without him knowing there is nothing you can do

    He is an adult ..Its his life and he is entitled to do what he wants...he will only get help and support if he is the one looking for it

  • It sounds like he is afraid. of real feelings again. I had breast cancer scare. My husband bought me sexy underwear when knew I was clear but couldnt talk to me about fears i may have had about it. he just said you are not the type of person to get cancer? total denial about his fears. If i had been tested positive i dont know whether he would have stuck around. get him to talk about it with you.

  • I get what your saying it's taken me months to get him to talk about the cancer he can talk about the 2nd and the node but finds the 1St the hardest but I think that is fear his partner almost died world turned upside-down finding normal was hard but we have been working on it since day one I've even joked and said I'm immortal coz cancer couldn't keep me down so I'm stuck on earth to tease him and when I'm strong enough I tickle his feet (it's a kinda game with us hard to explain)

  • you sound as though you have a strong relationship which you should cherish. I am sure it will sort.

  • needless to say the underwear wasnt well received!!!!!!!

  • Put them on your partner's head and tell him that it suites him better like that than you so he should keep them and they match his eyes lol

    It will give you a laugh and might show him sexy isn't always the answer ( I use the nun threat with my partner)

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