So I've had a rough year and a half. I had to deal with sleep paralysis, family tensions, a numb head, anxiety, depression, A levels and terrible grades start to end, bullying, being mocked for being myself, made fun of, panic attacks, insomnia, losing my grandmother in the middle of my CIEs. Then having a rejection from medical school and suffer disappointment after disappointment and landed into a gap year. My worst possible nightmare.
I'm trying to adjust now. I can't sleep without my mother but I do sleep which is progress. But ever since I lost my grandmother i feel I've become paranoid. Like everytime my dad coughs I have this image of his choking and dying and all of hus crying around him. If my mother has a head ache and lies down its so alarming because I keep thinking it's something serious when she's just tired and picture her the same way too. It happens to me too. Whenever I feel anxiety symptoms I feel I see myself dead and my mother screaming around me. It's alarming me. I over think a lot and I can't stop it. If someone says something bad about me I keep thinking why did they say that about me? And worry for Hours.
I have terrible panic attacks and they go away when I drive. When I drive its all better. But I can't drive at 2 a.m. while I have no license and I am learning how to drive. So idk how to manage my panic attacks before sleeping. I get weird nightmares too sometimes with witch things scaring me and stuff like that. Idk how to deal with all this now.
I have to study for an exam but everytime I open the book I get a panic attack and get all breathless and feel I'll die I open it again. And i fear another gap year. I have no idea how to study well like this. I am so scared of those books now too. Also I get depersonalized a lot. Idk how to deal with that either. it feels like I am breathless and not in my head and my chest area is cold and has water dripping inside it kind of feeling and I feel my heart doesn't beat but obviously it does. And my head feels numb. And then I feel I'm not really in my body but in some deep deep corner. Watching the outside world and doing robotic emotions. when I breathe in my heart feels like it does some lurches. And everything is fine with me physically. Can anyone here help? Sorry this is too long 😔