I have already written one post, and thank you everyone for your replies. But I need some advice. I have written this letter to my wife, but I don't know whether or not to send it to her as she is still not talking to me: Here is my letter, and I would ask that you be gentle with your responses as I am really at rock bottom.
I hope this letter finds you all well. I am doing really good and been getting help from a counsellor who specialises in teaching men to understand their wives. I am horrified to realise the depth of the pain I have caused you throughout our marriage. I realise that you gave it your all and hung in there for a very long time. Your decision to call it a day wasn't a casual one- you were desperate to emotionally survive. Now that I see how devastated you are, I cant believe what I did to you and how I made you feel. How I wish I could go back in time and knock some sense into me.
As much as I want us together, my goal with this letter is not to change your mind about anything. My hopes are just to say some things that will help your heart to heal. I know I have you very deeply and you deserve a lot of understanding right now.
When you agreed to marry me, it was because you believed I would make you feel loved and cherished for the rest of your life. You were sure your heart would be safe with me, so you gave it to me, but after we got married, I left you feeling neglected and insignificant. I did whatever I wanted and gave little thought to what you wanted. Everyday, you'd be their to take care of the kids, make meals etc, and I would let you do it all by yourself while I done my own thing. How awful that must have been for you- the very man you entrusted your life to, was the biggest threat to your self-worth and security. You married me because I made you feel valuable, yet my self-centeredness left you feeling worthless. I AM SO SORRY:
You are an amazing woman Jackie, who deserves to be cherished, but I made you feel so unimportant. Now that I see you for who you are, I can only regret all my missed opportunities to treat you like a treasure. It is no surprise that you want to keep your heart from someone who has shown himself to be so unsafe.
As I look back over our marriage, I realise now that all those times you tried to share your heart with me, I would respond like you were attacking me. I was scared love, I was so desperate to tell you the truth, but I couldn't. I knew it would destroy you and us as a family. I am not making excuse's, I was really scared. I was afraid for our future as a family.
You took a risk and bared yourself to me over and over again. Please don't feel rejected love, I honestly never meant to hurt anybody. Please know this- No matter what happens between us in the future, I will always love you and the kids, and I will never play with your heart again, I PROMISE.
If I were a friend of yours listening to your story about your painful marriage, I would want to wrap you up in my arms and offer you the comfort you deserve. I would want to shake your husband and yell at him to wake up and stop treating you the way he has.
Well love, my eyes have been opened by my counsellors shaking. I know I haven't been safe in the past, but I want you to know that I am safe now. Please know that if you ever need someone to listen to your heart and share your pain, then I am here.
Before I go love, my counsellor has been fantastic. She has made me see life from where you are standing. The whole of our marriage has not been a lie love. Its only been a lie where the inheritance has been concerned. I know my lies have done a lot of damage, but it wasn't intentional. I was living in a dream world, and I am so sorry. I will make it up to you all, and pay back every penny, regardless of what happens between us. The pain of us separating has been really hard, the hurt and pain I have caused everyone is unforgivable, but I will make everything good, I promise.
Say hello to the kids for me, hope you all have a wonderful Christmas
Love you always and forever
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ This letter is from my heart to my wife, but I am in a tiswas as to whether I should send it to her. I've lost absolutely everything, but I don't want to pee her off anymore than she already is by sending it.
Thanks in advance for reading it everyone, it was my heart that wrote it xx