Just a random thought, I think?

Hi everyone, I read all your wonderful comments on my last post and really appreciate all of your time you took to stop and listen to me. It means the world to me.

I have previously spoke to my doctor, I have been in and out of a mental health hospital over the past year and have been in with my doctor since being diagnosed with ptsd, depression, anxiety and panic disorder at the start of this year.

I was medicated and have been on pills for the past year and they help with the anxiety but it's the depression I can't get under control. I have seen 8 councellors and therapists since 2012, spoken to my doctor and I am under a hospital as well.

I was so panicked about speaking to my doctor this morning because I haven't spoken to him much since getting in with a hospital but I think I just needed a rant and to have someone listen, it was scary and upsetting but I know these things are important to face as painful as it is.

I still feel dead lonely and upset, if not a little more after letting all my emotions out today.

It's been a very difficult time waking up and trying to get through each day and barely sleeping and when I do sleep I suffer with recurring nightmares.

All this pain just seems so over whelming and never ending lately, and I know things do get easier as time goes by and I will suffer with bad days but get good days too, it's just the past 6 weeks this pain seems never ending and I just want it to end. I'm at a loss right now, I don't know what to do anymore.

This post is probably very mixed up and all over the place but they are just little thoughts running through my mind after thinking back after today.

4 Replies

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  • Hi Kay

    I know you want the pain to end but you have to give yourself time to heal. You wouldn't expect to get over the flu or a cold in a short space of time. Depression is an illness and we know that certain triggers can make it worse. I thought I was ok 5 weeks ago ignored all the warning signs my body was giving me and didn't feel the need for my medication. That was until something really bad happened to me at work and I was back to square one again. Five weeks on and I am still trying to tell myself I'm ok but I know I'm not.

    We carry around our past disappointments and pain like a badge of honor and every time something bad happens the memories come flooding back to haunt us. I know you have a lot of treatment and you're feeling like nothing works right now, but you know that you can have bad days and good days and it's our awareness of our illness that keeps us sane. Never forget that this is an illness like any other. It is far too easy for us to think we are in control of our minds, we are not. Outside factors such as diet, our environment, society and other people have a major influence on our lives as well.

    What medication is your doctor giving you? Have you tried to get a second opinion, not all doctors are the same. Luckily for me the one I have got now has been amazingly supportive. I know you've said that you've been in and out of mental hospital which indicates that you are having very severe attacks. Is there anyone in the hospital you can contact to tell them how you are feeling?

    Please don't give up on yourself you are worth more than this illness. Keep in touch tell me how you're coping.

    Love Maria x

  • Hello kaay

    When I read your thread I take it that you are using the word Pain to explain your mental stress and depression.

    You have been through a great deal of CBT and it seems you have not gained any closure under that regime. To know the reasons why you are suffering your depression will help you come to terms with the initial cause and then you should be able to move on in your life.

    My condition is caused by chronic Pain and also depression caused by medical condition and various other personal problems. I have addressed my personal problems by starting a new life away from the cause of the trouble. I still have the depression caused by my PSA, this now is my main battle and I now have to pace many activities. Because my condition is chronic I will most probably need a medicinal crutch for the rest of my life.

    All I can advise is with your depression is try and address your problem, be brave and address selective problems one at a time, use small bites and when you get stuck put that part problem solve to one side and start on one of your next worries.

    Keep making those changes and you will find addressing several problem with help you address those problems in the pending tray. until you are addressing the problem that is the most of a worry.

    One of the main problems with mental health is we wear that illness around our neck where people can see it and then they can hit you over the head with your concerns as many people will , use your condition as a sign of weakness and then use it against you.

    I would advise that you try and not allow that to happen by not discussing the problems at work and also some friends. We learn those who we can trust. Be kind and patient with your illness, avoid flustration and anger that will get you know where

    Always keep your GP informed of your depression, your Surgery will try and give support over difficult times. Most people can recover, some will suffer at various times in Their Lives, The rest like me will need to keep taking the tablets for the rest of our lives.

    You want to chat, we are here.

    BOB

  • Hi I know it seems very little but I got some apps for my phone like a daily affirm which when you press it,it tells you something positive when I have the daft little thoughts I look on it and reassures myself.reading about my condition also helps me understand things more to.im reading a book right now called change your brain change your life by Daniel g amen.it tell you how your brain works.uplifting songs anything which gets me off a negative thought.i had depression for a while don't know how long but when the anxiety came I knew I had a problem I've just he'd 8 months off work and have just returned for phased return been back now nearly 4 weeks felt like jacking at first but you got to fight.and try and understand you might have s stray thought or a feeling if you have had any cbt you should know about breaking the cycle ant think more positive hope it all goes well I'm still fighting on meds of 10 mg cit has really helped but when off these will be my best thing.

    All the best on your journey be safe and think positive.if you can.

  • Welly10 has mentioned something i strongly agree with ...how our brains work and how our thoughts affect us....its true and we can do a,lot about how we feel

    One of my favorite authors is Dr Phil Mcgraw, he is a behavioural psychologist and a well known face in America...

    I can honestly say reading his books helped me turn a corner and helped me help myself...our brains run hundreds of negative messages every day and we know its happening because of that stomach dropping feeling and every time i get that feeling i will do anything to stop myself thinking what i am....

    Please look him up there are lots of books and lots of things on youtube thats available ...there are lots of self help stuff out there but this guy just fires me up , thats the best way i can explain it.

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