The past few days have been really rough for me. I was going through a gap year and finally came to terms with it. But I keep having terrible mood swings. I'm happy one day and extremely depressed the next. I lash out at friends and nothing seems happy anymore. I am agitated. I see other people moving on in life while I am left behind. I applied to a med school out of city. It's a 6 and a half hour drive from home but I don't feel I can go with my never ending anxiety. My symptoms keeps getting worse. And I am afraid with the stress of medicine and being homesick it'll get worse. I've never lived without my mother in my entire life. I can't sleep at night's and sleep after dawn. I also sleep in my mom's room because I get terrible nightmares too. I keep waking up with jolts and a panic attack if I fall asleep at night.
In a hostel I am afraid to live away from my family. Its my dream but my anxiety is in the way. My head feels so weird. Today while i was driving it was so hard to focus and it felt like there was some bubble around my head and I couldn't think. I feel I'm a pea in my brain and I feel I'm not in my body but behind several layers of haze inside myself. It sounds weird. But it's what is not letting me live my liFe. My feet are hot and Cold and some times I feel I don't have any feet. It's absurd. My heart beat is so fast and the thumping is always there. Idk if I can adjust away from home with these conditions. I keep seeing white lights at the corner of my eyes. I can't sleep at night and medicine is highly demanding. How will I handle it? Can anyone tell me what to do? Should I pursue a gap year and try for a home city school? I'm so confused I can pull out my hair🙇