Cant go on after split

[Paul-pauly1234]

I had only been in this relationship for 3 months and im a mature adult but she told me last week she didnt love me and I cant cope with it, i'm not sleeping or eating properly and she is on my mind 24hours a day - i keep thinking of all the good times with great sadness. I have suicidal thoughts most days and i just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel. I keep thinking she will come back but i know she really wont . i am so sad i cant do anything i liked before and when im somewhere i cant wait to be somewhere else - please help me - i have few friends to turn to

[Hidden]

It would be wonderful if we could meet the right person straight away, without looking.

just get married, settle down have kids and grow old together. Sad to say this does not generally happen, we will need to look around and sometimes we will take quite a long time before we find that special person. You will generally have problems finding that soulmate, mind you will know when you do.

In my case it was a case of hard knocks that eventually ended quite a few years of looking.

Many relationships you have will possibly fail before you know who the right one will be. So do not be to hard on yourself or the person who has walked out of your life that is part of life plan

Me, I went out with many girls from all over the country, eventually I married a person from an area very close to where I was brought up. My wife had also moved away for work and returned home where we met. We have been married now for over thirty years

There is always someone waiting, look at the situation as a learning curve that we all need to follow.

Give yourself a break life is full of wonders

BOB

[Paul-pauly1234 in reply to Hidden]

i dont think i will ever meet someone like her again - its been hard for me trying so hard for years to meet her - just feel so empty and low

[Paul-pauly1234 in reply to Hidden]

I thought she was my soul mate - i had known her a while and dated for 3 months

[Paul-pauly1234]

i just want to go round hers and see her but i know it will be no good

[Hidden in reply to Paul-pauly1234]

Hello Paul

I was like you my first love was from the a very exotic location and we were together for three years, until the relationship broke down, we were no more than six months from marriage, we were going to have two ceremonies on in the UK and another on Her Island for family and friends there. It put me off dating for about three years, then I took several courses to keep me busy.

Sad to say I feel your pain and if there was something I could advise I would. You could go around and try and talk with Her although I would be concerned of the reception you may suffer from. You could try and phone I suppose, although again can you see what reception you may get.

Your feelings are not unusual, of course I do not know why the break up.

All I do know, is sometimes no contact although painful may make her return to you. Only you know the girl.

Put it all down to experience, if you need to chat we are always around for a chat

BOB

[Gambit62]

The end of a relationship is difficult whatever causes the end - it could be the sort of betrayal you have experienced or it could be death or ... so many things.

You do need time to go through a grieving process and you need to be gentle with yourself whilst you do that. There is no way of knowing how long that will take.

The suicidal thoughts are very common ... my personal theory is that it is down to the way the part of the brain that deals with fear works because it is very primitive - so still stuck in the days when it was all about fight or flight. When it sees a danger it sends you an image of that danger to prompt you to fight or flight. That's good if it's a bear at the back of the cave but not so good if it is stress because the image it usually picks up on is death... and that can be really scary so you just get more and more images in a really nasty vicious circle.

My personal way out of it was to stop fighting the thoughts and change my reaction to them so rather than getting wound up by them I now know they are my brain telling me I'm stressed and I need to do something else.

You are in a very difficult place at the moment. I think your instinct about not going round to see your partner is right. You need to make the break and rediscover the real you again. Sorry if it sounds difficult and nonsense at the moment. It's probably difficult to be around other people at the moment but being with people doesn't mean that you have to talk to them - it would be good if you could make sure that you got out for a walk each day - had coffee/tea somewhere where there are people around. One thing that really helped me after my marriage broke up was joining a local history society and going to the lectures - meant I was with people but didn't have to interact with them.

What you are feeling is a natural response to what has happened. Don't know how long it has been going on but it can take up to a year or more for someone to work their way out of your system - and that is just talking about chemical responses.

[Paul-pauly1234]

feel no better - feel like I have nothing

[Paul-pauly1234]

if i had a painfree way out i think i would take it

[headchild]

There will be a light at the end of this dark tunnel, please keep yourself as busy as you can to occupy your thoughts.

[Hidden]

If the relationship failed because of your Partner it may be that She felt the relationship with you was not working, in that situation the relationship may have broken down in the future so you are better knowing that the relationship would or could fail is better now until waiting several years of Hell with someone who had doubts regarding the relationship in the first place.

The longer a failing relationship goes on the worse your lives would be and the more complex the breakup would become.

Say you married this person, with doubts. You have kids and she walks out of the family home with the children. That failure would become more complex as you would want to have the children and they would see their lives disrupted with Man and DAD fighting over their estate and access to this hypothetical family. You could not only lose your home, also the cost of the breakup.

Yes I know the pain you are suffering, I would be a hard person if I did not understand your feelings. Generally I would imagine many on here have suffered the sadness you are suffering several times in their lives. We all go through these feelings.

We all have gone through a lost love and it is horrible, although thinking about it rationally you are best knowing now instead of later.

Be kind to yourself and all I can suggest is just pick yourself up and clear the dust of the past and just start again. You are now forewarned and understand the possibilities of a failed relationship

We are here if you still need help

BOB

[hotwinks]

hi paul things like this take time and everything happens for a reason i think its better not to contact her as it just brings all the hurt back this is my 3rd marriage and its going downhill at a rapid pace so i know how you feeling just try and stay strong

[Hidden]

Hi. It's great that you are posting. I can understand how dark things are right now for you. I had a break up only 4 weeks ago. 6 years gone. That hurts! But I also know that everything ends. This is a natural part of life for everyone. It's sad but it's also natural.

I think the grief is the worst part. The pain does end. That is the only relief!

Try and focus on keeping well. Eating better and just loooking after yourself.

It's over. Let it go. There is a whole world out there waiting for you (and me). If I can fight my way out of this you can. I suffer from severe depression and I have the same low thoughts as you. I keep on. You can keep on. Just remember, it will take a little more time but it won't always hurt like this. Just look after you for now. Rest as much as you can. Eat, watch movies! Phone people. Just heal. Wishing you the best.