For almost three months now, the general feeling I've been having has been rather low. My moods for the most part (when I'm alone by myself) haven't been extreme, just empty and sad. The part that confuses me is that when I'm with people, things feel fine, and I come across pretty easy going, even bubbly at times. Lately I've also been skipping more school, gradually caring less and less and don't have much motivation for anything really. I don't know whether this is a product of normal doubt when it comes to career paths/"is this right for me?" sort of thing. I find it very hard to see a future where I am happy with what I'm doing. I'm tired almost all the time, but as far as I know, I don't have problems falling asleep/staying asleep. I just don't usually go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and this makes it so I get 3-4 hours of sleep on average, even though the thing I want to do most of the day is sleep.
I don't enjoy playing music as much as I used to (which was the thing I enjoyed and identified with most). The things is, as a musician, I naturally put a lot of pressure on myself to perform well. It's quite easy to put so much into something you enjoy, and push yourself so hard to improve at it that you end up disliking it and not wanting anything to do with it. I don't know whether this is what has happened to me, or if it's something else that's keeping me from finding pleasure in what used to be my main hobby.
A couple of my close friends both suffer from depression, and I feel as though I may have a subconscious desire to be able to understand them/relate to them more (thus making me think I may have depression when I really don't). I also can't help but think that a lot of what I'm feeling may be school stress, a lack of connecting with people, and being lonely, all which wouldn't be considered abnormal of a busy college student. It is also coming towards the end of the semester, and I know it is common for class attendance to drop, and cares to go out the window. I don't feel enthusiasm, passion, or excitement towards anything, and I don't know whether these feelings are a part of my personality, or if they are a real concern.
I know that when I was younger I used to be bubbly and full of energy all the time. While this may have changed as a natural part of growing up, when I compare myself to my sister, who has kept this attitude, I wonder if something is wrong with me, or if we are just very different people.
In general, I've been feeling like it may be nothing, and that I'm just lazy/apathetic and need to just put in more effort into my life/education. But I just don't know..