Having a very bad year. Lost my beloved daddy 6 months ago. Was suicidal but I got a little better so I decided to organise a new kitchen and a new puppy. The depression came back and now I am overwhelmed with anxiety and so frightened. The kitchen will take 5 days and he is starting on Monday - I am freaking out with terror. I have never felt as bad in my life. I truly want to die as there is no pleasure in my life. I struggle on daily but I never get a break. Can you truly break down and go mad or die?