my life

im writting to you regarding my experience with a long term illness i have had to deal with since a teenager, now being 34 i noticed it comming back again 4 years ago quite suddenly well just before my mother got sick she is no longer here with us dieing 3 years ago on september the 10th.

i have been taking consant medication to try and minimise how im feeling but im afraid to say i dont want to be around any more i have achieved what i have in life having 5 children been married and recently seperating from my ex partner which put a restraining order on me as a result of something i did last year well i did gamble from october to january as a result of the lack of affection that occured after our child which she is now 18 months her name is kensie i love her dearly just like my step son who i teated as my own this ordeal has pushed me to a point where i have nearly ended my life in april the 28th my mothers birthday as a rsult of the other party refusing to let me see my children its all i ever have wanted it is now 8 months and nothings changed i have been to jail as a ressult of the other party breaching me still to this date i dont know why i dont know anything i cant function im always crying just to let you all know i also have a 13 and 8 year old wesley and jordan i love all my children so very much i am a good person if anything happens just know i care and love them life will go on i feel like im not needed any more in this life i have tryed so hard going to sychs doctors nothings happened at all nothing i cant keep living like this and i dont enjoy life any longer i miss my ex so much regardless what happened i guess i dont want sympathy just to know i have had a good life and im sorry if i leave u all behind i like my mother will be looking from above please know one thing if only people just listened i haave never asked for much :[

2 Replies

  • Hi Clint and welcome. I have read your Post and realise that you are very. Upset and

    Depressed due to losing your children, albeit temporarily. Going through a relationship breakup is always very very hard and stressful and more so if there

    Are children mvolved.

    You have been very. Honest in this Post and of course it's hard for. Me to know all

    The facts etc, but Clint please don't do something that you might regret. I see some

    Hope in this, the fact that that you are young means that you have time to work

    On improving things n your life and if your partner sees that you are making a

    Real effort to straighten yourself out and get help for any gambling or other

    Problems, then I'm sure she would rethink how she is handling things. If you get

    Legal help and do this too she will have to let you have access to your children.

    Please don't give up even though you feel so low, children need a father in their

    Life and I'm sure things could improve for you.

    Please get help and get a referral for legal help too. Leaving your children without

    A father would be very bad for them, and knowing their Dad died by suicide would

    Be a terrible burden for them as they get older. It would be a permanent solution

    To a temporary problem.

    I am giving some Phone No's t help you as I am not sure if you are n UK or USA

    ClInt this Group will care about you and you are very important to us. It's easy

    When we feel Depressed desperate and alone to feel we don't matter, I know

    This as I have felt this too. Ok my circumstances were very different to

    Yours but I still felt alone in the world and without any hope.

    I felt so sad reading. Your Post and feel powerless to help you but I

    Would ask you to get help and that's the best present you could give your


    Please come back for support and I hope you get some help very soon.

    You will be in my prayers too.


    The Samaritans UK

    Telephone: 116 123 (UK)


    The Samaritans Republic Of Ireland

    Telephone: 116 123 (ROI)


    The Samaritans United States Of America

    Telephone: 1 (800) 273-TALK


    The Samaritans Australia

    Telephone: 135 247


  • Hello Clint

    We all do things in life that we regret to a greater or lesser degree, we regret these errors although in some instances Society will set near impossible hurdles in your life that are there for reasons of possible safety for your family members. Sometimes therefore children need to be provided help from a disfunctional family, member.

    You first need to see your GP and explain you are suffering from depression from a family breakdown caused by gambling. You also have issues with your Partner that also needs sorting. There are charities that deal with gamblers so that could be one the first actions you need to take, they will give you support. Your GP may be able to arrange some talking therapy for your mental health

    It is very important that you do everything straight down the middle a CPN can assist you in the future if they feel you have realized the situation you find yourself in.

    As you do above make an appointment with a solicitor to discuss some sort of time with your children

    If you are in any way Suicidal, and you are at risk, either as was mentioned in Hannah s

    script call Samaritans. You can also approach the emergency medical line on 111 they can help you and arrange a place of safety. You also can go into a hospital and go to A and E they also can refer you on and arrange that you are put in a safe environment

    If you need a chat here call us we have some very good people here that can listen and give support.

    It is very important that you show you are willing to change, that your partner can trust you with your children and Her.


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