Hi. My dad died 6 months ago and also he had dementia for 4 years - the stresses of keeping him safe and eventually getting him into a care home was dreadfully upsetting. I have suffered depression and anxiety forever - my mother committed suicide when I was 14, I was abused by a man I loved, I had a terrifying stroke at the age of 28. At least I had my daddy - he was my rock and anchor. When he died I suffered terrible depression - I begged the crisis team to put me in the hospital but they refused. The grief dissapated and I was starting to come back but recently the panic and depression has returned and I am suffering dreadfully. My siblings get on with their lives - why am I such a hopeless failure? I worry all day about stroke and migraine - I worry about the weather, the hour change, winter (I hate it) everyday I worry I will finally end my miserable life. I have a good husband and a daughter but all I see is the failure of my life - cannot work or even volunteer because I cannot be restricted by time - I need to be able to leave when I want too. I worked from the age of 17 to 44 - I couldn't continue going on with the panic and depressions. Yet I still have it! I see outside it is grey - and the hours are shorter - why cannot I just enjoy my life and stop worrying about dizziness, shakiness and depression? I am taking citalopram 40mg and I see a therapist but I am just tired of being a mental case. My fears are so ridiculous (from bathing to wearing my glasses - which I have to wear as I cannot see without them but the fear of ocular migraine to my daughter going back to school so I am alone again). Thank you for listening.
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