I've been ridiculed and mocked for being weird and stupid since fifth grade. It's because I fell in love with one of our male teachers and the whole school knew except him. I got depressed because he because he was 14 years older than me. And also because I was weird. he made me be all giddy and ridiculous. Afterwards I was a mess. And people turned on me. I was the drama queen and the girl who complains alot. And the girl who never had anything good to say. Who just said stupid awkward shit. I wasn't popular. Then I started A levels. It was a new start. I left some old friends behind. But in A levels a few random girls picked on me because I was stupid and I didnt stand up for myself. This was the time my anxiety hit me full on. And I began to think my friends abandoned me. All of them I just found faults in people. I used to get so mad. I became so sensitive. I became some one I didn't recognize myself. Now I am done and over with A levels. I am always expecting something extraordinarily good to happen to me. I thought this year on my 19th Birthday my friends will come we'll have fun. And they couldn't because they're all in universities and I'm at home waiting for somewhere to accept me. I spent the entire day on the bathroom floor crying. I lash out at my mom and she lashes out at me. I am frustrated all the time. I am angry and sad and mad at the same time. and with that I have anxiety and constantly think I'll die. And I feel my friends have isolated me. Because they have. I keep fighting with them that they aren't the friends I wanted. And now they've all left me to be. I am alone and sad. And depressed. And at home since months. I am going mad and Idk how to survive. I cant sleep at night i am afraid all the time. Idk what happened to the sweet little happy girl inside me. I have no one to talk to anymore. Idk what to do. Whenever I talk of my problems with people they say I complain And thag all people have problems so I should suck it up. I feel so alone amongst people. And nobody gets that problems are problems no matter what or whose. I have begun to resent people and I see no happiness and sunshine. And I hate this. Please can someone suggest me anything? 😔
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