Feel betrayed by my family


I was diagnosed with Borderline in 2000 after a nervous breakdown following a drug rape and another rape following since then I have been a volcano self harming suicidal attempts

My last attempt was Nov last year I have been trying hard to stay focused and have been trying cut down drinking found a hobby still have stood swings and borderline struggles but no scares.

I come form a violent home life and had a breakdown at the age of 12 also but it was not so recognised then it was my behaviour that made people realise something was not right

Recently I found my mother and brother have let a man back in there lives who

Had made sexual advances to me by touching me inappropriately around 2012/2013

he is a very disrespectful man to women has no boundaries.

At the time I told my family and they said the told him of at that point 3 months down the line they all fell out and he disappeared now recently mum starts talking about him saying he has invited her and my brother for dinner I told her I don't want to hear about him

Last week I poped over to my mums and she opened the door I walked in and he was sitting there she said she was giving him bible study as he is depressed

Something hit my gut I was stunned I left straight away

The next day I told her I feel disappointed she turned round and said I am just looking for an argument this happened three yrs ago I cannot believe you are behaving this way

She said I will not stop him from coming round as I am doing the Lords work so if you come round and he's there ignore him and you must learn to forgive

Well I was gobsmacked my mother knows what I have been through raped twice sexually assaulted by her cousin when I was 7 which she never listened to till I was 17

This time round she says I never told her this new person touched me I only said he was rude talking to me.not so I told her exactly what happened. I feel my mum has selective memory.

Since this new incident she has convinced my family and my sons that it was three yrs ago and she is doing Gods work and because they know she is passionate about her little church group it's like I'm at fault

By this I have been devastated I have been an emotional wreck I have felt suicidal for the past few days but have managed to have someone around and spoken with the crisis team it's like I have gone back a decade

Am I in the wrong am I blowing this out of proportion as my family believe.

My Sons are annoyed because I never told them when this occurred I did not want them to have any more upsets as they were young when I was first ill and it ruined their lives so my mum and my brother were they only two that knew until now

I'm planning to move away from my family as we a live close and start fresh

I suffer with Fybromyalga also so it's hard all around


10 Replies

  • Hi I am upset reading how much you have suffered and how insensitive your family are. It seems your mother is so concerned with her religion that she has neglected you shamefully. She clearly doesn't practise what she preaches either. I wonder if she would be so forgiving if all this had happened to her instead of you. No wonder you are so unhappy and suicidal - anyone would be.

    None of this was your fault you know. Your family have let you down and treated you appalingly. Any mother worth her salt would have believed and protected you when you were a child and it is criminal she didn't. Stuff her bible studies, she should practise love instead of just preaching it. Yuck!

    Yes leave asap - you have to for your own sanity and safety. I know it will be very hard for you but you have no choice. You don't need toxic people in your life do you whether they are family or otherwise.

    Have you ever received any rape counselling? This might help. You can also ring a rape crisis centre (even though it happened a long time ago) and they will be very supportive and understand. Leave and go elsewhere where you can be a long way away from your terrible memories and start a new life for yourself and your sons.

    I would also visit your doctor as meds might help as well at least for the short term. Concentrate your energies on moving and not on self destruction.

    Stay with us here and we will help and support you all we can. I am sorry you haven't received any other replies yet but it can be quiet on here sometimes especially weekends.

    Please pm me if I can help at all. To do this click on my alias. I hope I have helped a bit love. Lots of hugs Bev xx

  • Hi Bev

    Thank you for your kind support I have made contact with the Recovery and Crisis team as I was erupting eomotionaly the PSychiatrist gave me some Anxiety tablets and was very supportive I am seeing my GP tomorrow to arrange counselling

    This incident took me back to where I was at my worst it has been hard trying to fight those emotions but I am getting there

    And yes my mother has been through similar I have never had rape therapy The mental health team have always focuses on getting me to work on OCD

    First. To tell you the truth where I live the mental health services have let me Down so many times they are not that good

    So I was surprised of the reaction I had for this mishap.

    I will keep in touch

    Thank you ever so much X

  • Hi Coughallot2

    I hear you its diabolical my mum has had similar as a child but her religious values are over her common sense I need to break away from them my mum has supported me greatly through my mental health struggles this is why I am shocked at her behaviour my brothers one in particular said I'm am looking for attention since the big rapes and watching my behaviour become catastrophic. Being diagnosed with fibromyalgia he has said the same thing my mum came to Cyprus with my partner and myself and I was ill out there due to the sun so I was very weak and in lots of pain

    My mum played a blind eye and said my partner was treating me like a baby

    Because he decided all plans for going out had to work around me she would get annoyed and say sarcastic things so when we got back she told my brother and she related his response and hers to my partner

    Who came and told me what they said as he felt I needed to know

    My mum tells everyone I will never go away with my daughter and her partner together as he is dangerous. excuse me selective thinking she said he lied about her saying anything

    So this has gone to far now I've suffered enough this last episode shattered me I was suicidal cried till nearly passiong out you know the volcanic stomach reaching I have been given some anxiety tabs and today I am better

    Than I have been so far so I'm moving on now have had no contact

    Thanks X

  • Awww Bless you, coughalot is right.. I would stop going to your Moms as you made your feelings quite clear... If you feel moving away is the betta choice, Honeychild do it!! Life is for living and being happy and being safe... Put you and your fam first!! You do need to seek a counsellor and the community mental team in regards too your breakdown... All the best for future... Let us know.

  • Hi Lidzz

    I have sought help and I am going forward for my benefit I hope my housing continue to help me peruse this as they have been quite understanding I have been given some anxiety mess for a few days From the MHT units I see my GP

    Thank you x

  • Cut out the people in you life who don't add value. You deserve to be surrounded by people who love and respect you. You mention that you have children, don't deprive them of a mother, because of your own. Terrible things have happened to you and it is to your credit that you are here. Keep going, concentrate on your immediate family and do what is best for you. Be kind to yourself.

  • Hi MMOT

    I love my sons they are all grown up men now they have seen me go through so much in their young age and I think they can't handle anymore

    I did change my phone numbers and have given it too them after a few days of the change I have not spoken to them they are obviously staying away as they know I'm upset and feeling they took my mums religious view as its what she does.she wants to do Gods work.

    At the same time there angry because it does not make it right on how she is dealing with me...... what upset me was when they said mum it happemned three yrs ago when this guy touched you and you never told us. They wanted to go after him when they heard.

    They said this because it's what my mum had mentioned to them when they rang her 3 years 3 years is like the first day when you see a scumb bag again when you least expect it.

    Time has no bearing on abuse

    I did not want them to get hurt so I only told my mum and brother

    Fat lot of good that did I move forward have to focus on moving and starting fresh

    Thank you for your support x

  • Hi there, sorry I had not appreciated the age of your sons. This is a tough time for you, but please keep going. Don't get me started on religion but I really question when doing the gods work is at the harm of innocents. It's difficult but keep talking to your sons let them know how you are feeling and where you at. Let them support you through this. And if you can't talk to them, keep talking on here.

  • Hi Serenity,

    You are not blowing anything up out of proportion. It is wrong to abuse a child, and wrong for your Mum to continue to put you through this. If you do move away can you persevere with some sort of counseling to work through this. The alternative though might be to go for counseling where you live now, and avoid your family until you are ready to deal with it all. This guy is the perfect excuse if you need one to not visit them at all for now.

  • Hi Findingme

    As I have said in my other replies this is my plan I cannot be around them not seeing them is inevitable we share the same shops and live a stone throw apart.

    This guy my mum said is depressed that does not make it right to make me go into a crisis as she is well aware of triggers

    I'm trusting for positive results this week from my housing

    Thank you for your support x

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