She's the only one that makes me feel alright

I'm 19 and attending college, I also have a part-time job at a local supermarket. Just over a year ago at work, a new girl started, she's 21 and is also working part-time while attending the local university. After about 2 months, I started to feel attracted to her, so i asked her out but she said that i was "a nice guy", but that she just didn't like me that way about me.

So moving on, about 3 months later me asking her out is in the past and we are just being friends. However as time goes on we start to have these moments together where we both start being really personal with one and other. After a while this started to make me think that maybe there was a chance at being more than friends. However, on the day that i was planning to pop the question, i overhear her talking to another female colleague. They are talking about how a few nights ago one of her housemates had a conversation with her about being his girlfriend and she says that she said yes. At this moment my heart drops. As she finishes the conversation, she walks past me and asks me if i am okay? This is what makes me think she knew i overheard the conversation. When i answered her my usual deep voice was replaced by what must have been something between a whisper and my normal voice. Obviously it is because i'm upset at the time, so i think nothing of it because i feel i will get past it.

Its been around 10 months now since then and the whole situation feels like its taken a toll on my life. The girl and her housemate where only together a month or so i think, so she is now single. I've never been in a relationship before and i'm not confident in starting one, it took a lot for me to ask her out in the first place. Now i don't have the confidence to do it again.

We still talk at work, but mattering on how the day goes with her, effects the way i feel for the entire week. Once i heard her talking with someone about a guy she was meeting in London the following week, and about how she had been having all of these cute conversations with him. When i heard this i had to hide myself in toilets while i cried. Throughout the week i also had thoughts about it which ruined my motivation to do anything but sit (sometimes cry) and wait for the next week to come around where i could have a nice conversation with her and hopefully at some time during the day i would overhear how her date in London went when she speaks to someone else. I say when she speaks with someone else because we now feel awkward about talking about that subject with one and other.

Right now i'm in a position where she basically dictates my feelings for the rest of the week depending on if i can have a nice conversation with her or not. If we do have one, i don't have as much trouble getting through the rest of the week apart form the every other day i randomly need to cry at my desk. However if i had a bad day at work with her and she blanks me for example when i try to talk to her, i don't have motivation to do just about anything throughout the rest of the week, the crying becomes more frequent, and often my college work will suffer.

I feel like i'm trapped! I don't know what to! I cant talk to my family anymore as a result and i haven't told anyone else i know. I don't know how long i can deal with this, and i don't know how to solve it. What can i do?

7 Replies

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  • To be honest you're going to just have to try your best to move on. There's no point in spending months and months waiting for someone who has already stated they aren't interested in a relationship with you. The best thing you can do is be confident (even if you have to fake it) and perhaps go out and meet some new people! I know how it feels to like someone this much and not have them like you back but looking back on my situation I am actually embarrassed at myself having wasted so much time worrying about something that I couldn't change!

  • No she doesn't dictate anything to you - you let her dictate how you feel. She obviously doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

    I know its very hard but what you need to do is concentrating on meeting as many people as you can and you might meet another girl that way. You are flogging a dead horse here. x

  • This is a typical kind of you want what you can't have. We all get it in every aspect of life you have no money and seem.to.find everything you wanted on offer clothes shoes games but when you've got the money you don't really want anything. Having no experience in how to deal with the emotional side of things put you between a rock and a hard place we have all been their not wanting to move on just in case or letting yourself get so wrapped up in the thought of not having that person imagining them with someone els hurts and the emotion is so.strong that you think their is nothing that will help, but like you said your not motivated enough to even try to help yourself. Depression is not a natural feeling, their is no survival aspect to it like anxiety wich is our survival emotion, their is no reward system that comes with it nothing it's by far the most unnatural emotion, feeling, state that we could ever encounter. So when you are in a unnatural state your reactions both emotionally and physically will become.unatural Rejection is a part of normal life depression isn't. One day you wil find someone who will stand by your side and understand your struggle, they will admire your strength and respect your weaknesses. It doesn't help only having the worst most deepest darkest parts of emotion to react with. How els are you going to react if this is what your experience is based on. Don't let a normal situation feed your depression. Life is hard enough without something like depression making it harder. Learn from it and move on from it. Don't go into work giving her that dominance over you the quicker you realise you deserve and will get better the quicker you will find someone who makes you truly happy someone deserving.of you letting them put happiness in to your life. X

  • 50 reasons why a women really needs a man.

    (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2878252/50-reasons-woman-really-DOES-need-man-list-Jane-Gordon-time-30-years-irreverent-poignant-funny.html)

    A man who can be strong and caring.

    Acting as you are is not showing her your strengths. You need to show her you can take control.

    Ask her out everyday jokingly or not until she says yes. And be relaxed! Laugh and enjoy ... don't be serious. Don't ask her to marry you... Just have fun!

    Chill...

    Good luck

    Tiny

  • That's not a good idea. If she has already expressed that she isn't interested and has had other relationships then that is her decision. Asking her out everyday (jokingly or not) will make her uncomfortable and think that he's desperate. It's also bordering on harassment...

    Best thing to do is move on to other people who do want to spend time with you!

  • Enjoy the fact you have a friendship. But please don't try playing any games. That way you will lose the friend you have.

    Good luck with being happy.

    Dee

  • She doesn't feel the same way about you and so you have to move on. I know it is very hard but you are wasting your time in hoping that something will change.

    Bev is right, she doesn't dictate how you feel. You let her and give her that power. Someone else has mentioned you may have to 'fake' how you feel. So when you see her smile and move on to talk to someone else. You are torturing yourself by overhearing her conversations or going out of your way to talk to her. Don't be rude but smile and just seek out others to talk to. Distance will help.

    Focus on college and maybe meeting someone there. Or get out and do something else where you may meet someone with similar interests.

    Sarah x

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