I have been feeling depressed for a long time. I have never done anything about it but I can feel it building up and so I joined this community to try and take a first step.
I am 22 years old and have been described as miserable for as long as I can remember. It has become something of a joke amongst my friends that I am "a grumpy old man" but I have started to realise that I don't want to be known as that at 22. I feel like I am burdening all of my friends, being a depressant and bringing them down and that they don't really want me around. Whether that is paranoia or not I don't really know but I question myself about it all the time.
I want to be happy. I want to be the kind of person whose company other people actually enjoy. I have just been accepting my character, resigning myself to be miserable. I have told myself that I am superior, more mature than those around me, more aware of the real state of the world. I think I am just trying to justify my feelings to myself. In all honesty, I am miserable but I don't want to be anymore.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.