Everyone says I'm too Negative

And I push people away because I'm so miserable. I dunno how to stop feeling sad, angry, and depressed. I've tried everything! I can't be happy for anything in this world I am always unhappy with myself and life basically. I'm trying to change, but I guess I'm not trying enough. Deep down inside I'm always angry and feeling hurt, but I hide it...well at least I try to hide it. I'm fed up with people abandoning me because they either think "I'm always depressed and seeking attention from it." or "I always push them away with my negative attitude." WTF do these people expect? My life is hell right now I dunno whether I'm coming or going. I'm so numb inside that I don't even want to talk even when loved ones are around. All I be doing anywhere that I go is daze out and go into deep thought about all my problems in my life. I hate that I have to pretend and lie that I'm okay when I know I'm not. So much build up frustration and I don't know how to just "let it go." I don't intentionally be meaning to act this way and I don't think the world owes me anything I just want to be happy. I hate myself and my life, but no one knows HOW much this bothers me. I feel like I have no one to turn to, because I think people are sick of me now. Sometimes I am cheerful, but that's only because I don't want anyone to see that I'm hurting I just is suppress it. I don't even know how people is put up with me, but I wish I could control this and it seems like I can't. What's the real reason why I am always this way? I can't seem to figure out the EXACT root of the problem. I know why I am depressed, because I've been dealing with cynical depression 3 years now. When I do feel tiny bouts of contentment it's flushed away by negativity. I don't want to be bitter or resent anyone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

[alamagoosa]

Wondered how old you are. When you are depressed you are supposed to feel bad and look bad. I knew a woman who lost her 2nd husband of 30 years. All the " He's in a better place now's, and the be grateful for what you had's" didn't help. I saw her outside and she said " I'm sorry Michael, I look like a wreck" I said " Letta, you're supposed to look like a wreck. You just lost Lenny". She cried, hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and said " Thank You!". That's what it's about. People think they have to fix you. Or manipulate you to be happy. And if they can't then you are not trying. It's not true. Billions of people feel bad everyday. Our stupid society is brainwashed to look down on people " Who can't handle it". They are lying to themselves. They pretend things don't bother them. Then they get physical illnesses. They smoke a lot. Go out for some drinks and laughs to kill the pain. You must be a sensitive person. I think you are feeling what you are feeling and you are not failing or wrong in any way. I know you don't want to feel this way. But you are not wrong or bad because you have depression. " Feeling aren't right or wrong. They just are".

[Hidden in reply to alamagoosa]

I'm 24, jobless, single and dealing with health problems I'm just struggling in general and if I could just fix this things will get better, but I don't have any guidance, my mom talks to me, but I feel bad because she is also frustrated and I cannot do anything right now to help my family. It's not like I want to be depressed, negative, anxious and angry, because I wasn't always like this. I lost a LOT of friends because of this.

[alamagoosa in reply to Hidden]

Take a reality check. The world is messed up right now and lots of racial tension and politics and environmental and war and it takes it's toll on everybody even if not directly on you. It's not a good time in general. So to have personal problems too is more to deal with. Things are changing faster than ever. It's hard to keep up and to know what the rules are. They keep changing. I walk in the woods. There will always be woods somewhere. The ocean will change but it will never go away. I got mad at things and I started writing letters. And donating to a small cause. I do a little bit. It's better than doing nothing. I save energy with better light bulbs a car that gets better mileage. As long as I am doing something productive that benefits me and someone else I feel better. But everyone feels their feelings for a reason. Somebody might try to straighten you out the hard way. But there's a time for toughness and a time for kindness. Pay attention to the posts here that help you. And I have quote. "Don't judge my life story by the chapter you walked in on".

[UnwelcomeVisitor]

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are suffering in the way that you say.

I think that the only way constructive advice that I can give to you is that you need to seek the help of a good counsellor.

Why not see your GP and explain to them how you feel and they will in turn will refer you to a good counsellor.

I hope that with help you will get better soon.

Kind regards

Richard

[Hidden in reply to UnwelcomeVisitor]

I am seeing a psychologist, I think I will go back on the meds again until I can handle life. Only problem is that I don't see them as much as I think I should.

[UnwelcomeVisitor in reply to Hidden]

Hello,

I am so very pleased for your sake that you are seeing a professional who you will find will be a great asset to you. I too have sought help over the years and they have certainly helped me.

I just wondered if you could ask your GP to contact your psychologist asking them to see you a bit more often.

I wish you well.

Richard

[Hidden]

Hello

Have you been to see your GP and has He arranged any therapy for you, or are you taking any medication for your condition.

You seem so very angry and I suppose cynical, mind you need reasons to feel these sensations.

You have suffered from your condition since you were a child, what made you turn into what you are today. Something must have gone wrong to make you angry with the very helpful the the bloody rotten, if you are cynical they must have done something to destroy your trust and if your anger stems from that you need good reasons for this misery.

Look at those around you, now you say those around you hate and possibly despise you, ? Why is that you need reasons to hate, and I cannot see any of these problems that are destroying your life, because that is what you seem to be doing.

I can be non trusting, cynical and just caught in a trap of my own making. You need reasons for that. We can all point to the sky to society in general. We still need to have reasons for our feelings. You can kick a dog again and again it will begin to go for you, that dog has reasons

What are yours ???

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am cynical and pessimistic and I'm starting to hate this mindset of mine. No I don't think anyone hates me (I would hope not) but yeah you are right about suffering since childhood always being sick. I don't put my stress out on anyone I do the opposite I hold it in and be distant. I've been through a lot and I don't want my past or my present situation destroy me in the future. I am already acting out because of this. I want to change.

Whats my reasons for being this way I am not exactly sure. Yeah I guess it is all my fault isn't it?

[hamble99b in reply to Hidden]

no, it's not your fault.

You ask

Whats my reasons for being this way I am not exactly sure.

sometimes we might not be aware of why we feel as we do, or where things began.

that is why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can useful, helping us to look at things.

You also say

I don't put my stress out on anyone I do the opposite I hold it in and be distant...

Sometimes I am cheerful, but that's only because I don't want anyone to see that I'm hurting I just is suppress it

that can be so exhausting, hiding feelings, trying to protect other people, when, in truth, we are more in need of help & understanding than ever.

It is good to see you say

I've been through a lot and I don't want my past or my present situation destroy me in the future. .. I want to change.

That, to me, shows that you have a strong sense of "me," of self - you haven't lost the belief in yourself, or that there is a way through this.

It is often said that people can offer you guidance, advice and solutions; but, until the right moment comes, where you are "ready/able" to move on, you don't hear them.

I found that out. There was a moment when I came to think "ah! that's what they meant! and I began to take it in and some things did help.

( e.g. almost like if I kept trying to mix a cake by hand and my friends saying "use an electric mixer" but I only knew my way. It was only when I reached a point where I was open to try another way that I found it could help.)

I hope you will keep coming back to talk with us.

regards,

hamble

[Olderal]

Kawali, the advice to try and get counselling is very good in my opinion. There is a shortage of counsellors and this might take a little while unless you are lucky but from your posts I think counselling would help you.

I find your posts confusing and contradictory and I think face to face sessions with a good counsellor might help sort this. I'm sure life is hell for you right now and I'm very sorry for that. About the contradictions -you say you lie about and cover up how you feel. That will put you under a lot of stress but if its true you are hiding it and saying you are OK how can you also feel that negativity and people thinking you are seeking attention from depression can also be true. Do you feel you are not hiding it well enough ?

You sound young and I think in an earlier post you said you were 24. This is quite young compared with me, and is certainly quite early in adult life. I do feel for you but you do need some outside help either medical or/and counselling as often its impossible to figure out an exact root of problem or what is wrong with us by ourselves.

None of us who suffer from Depression can work out by ourselves how to stop feeling sad and depressed (I myself don't see where anger comes in) and what is wrong with us --thats why there are GPs , psychiatrists , counsellors. They are there to help and for the use of sufferers like yourself. Get in touch with them.

[Hidden in reply to Olderal]

I guess I'm not hiding it as well as I thought. I don't want to hide my feelings.

[Hidden]

Hi I think to hope/expect yourself to go from sad, depressed and angry straight to happiness is setting your sights far to high right now. It took a long time for you to feel that way and it will take time to sort it so be patient. How about for now settling for some peace or contentment instead?

It's a sad fact of life that even loved ones can get 'fed up' with a miserable attitude though I know you can't help it and are not doing it deliberately. Don't forget everyone has their own problems and they might not feel up to supporting you sometimes. You could drag them down too much.

I have learnt in life to hope rather than to expect. it seems obvious but it changes your mindset from disappointment to appreciation when someone can help. Is this why you are so angry? Others can only do so much you know and maybe you expect too much of them? x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Maybe you are right and this is why I stay to myself most of the time. I am too naive in thinking everyone is going to be there for me like I do for them stretching myself out too thin for people. I'm not always miserable or sad.

[Hidden]

If you are feeling overwhelmed by your problems and are having worries of sorting these out there is a way of managing these.

Place each problem in a mental file or booklet, take each and rectify each problem in small bites. When you feel you are unable to move on with that problem at that time look at another problem you have and take a bite out of that. You address each problem in manageable small bites, this will mean you are not taking each problem on in its entirety and when we take little bites this makes that problem less

Little bites of a problem eventually add together and make larger bites then to large gulps and you are not dwelling on any one problem at a time. Delegate each problem to its own file as the content of the file becomes less the problem has also become less and you will hopefully move on and be able to cancel out your worries.

When your bites add up and a life problem is solved, give yourself a treat and then celebrate you are that much nearer to becoming better and more relaxed

BOB

[Sara_6s-7s]

Hi there,

I can sense your frustration that you feel this is a rut you can't get out of and in a sense you are quite right. I suffered from depression since childhood, and recognise a lot of the feelings you describe. It is perfectly possible to go through "all seasons in one day" in terms of your moods, and perfectly true that you can be smiling laughing outwardly, but inside you still have this negative 'commentary' going on, just waiting to come back to the centre of attention. I have learned that depression lays down a sort of groove in your brain, by repeating the same negative thoughts, responses and negative attiutudes to scenarios. Basically it becomes 'learned behaviour' so the depression is habitual and you will keep getting pulled back into that mindset with the phsyical feelings accompanying those thoughts. In order to overcome this, a sort of "magical thinking" is required- you have to challenge those responses whenever you feel strong enough to do so (I think of it like being at a pantomime sometimes, with you and your negative thoughts on the stage, and the audience shouting "Oh, no it isn't" at you from the stalls!).

I didn't benefit greatly from CBT myself, because I was in too bad a depressive cycle to exercise this "magical thinking", but I did write down my situation and beliefs, which were all negative, and then had an opposite page titled: Solutions.

Often these weren't solutions at all, but more distractions- e.g feeling low, lost. alone,- put the radio on and listen to a talk show, or play some favourite music. Use duolingo (phone app) and do 20 minutes of French. Sometimes by disrupting the funk you are in, you can be distracted enough to regain some energy and a bit of perspective with regards to whatever negative thoughts at the time were engendering the low mood.

If your GP can't offer CBT or some other form of treatment on a regular basis then there are tools online that you can google. I would also ask you to consider everything that you want to achieve for yourself as development-orientated, rather than achievement-orientated, if that makes sense to you?

For instance, instead of thinking of yourself as unlovable, you think of the qualities you have that you think are OK- or get some feedback from those around you that you are close to, and by asking people to honestly cite what they like about you, you can also reciprocate by offering to describe what you like about them....with this feedback you can then 'hone' your attributes (and I mean character attibutes as well as the physical ones), and identify the areas you fall down on, to consider, what if anything, you can do to develop these. Basically we are all a work in progress, on a continuum, and I would consider that our basic personalities don't alter that much from babies, but you are laying down a lot of your thought patterns at your age that will carry through with you into later life, so try to challenge those negative thoughts as much as you can.

There has been some research that suggests that 'depressives' have a much more realistic view of the world than 'normal' people. What I would take from that is that we have much more insight into ourselves than others who don't by necessity have to undertake so much self-examination. We probably also develop a better sense of what motivates people around us more, which although can lead to a cynical outlook in 'depressed mode' can also make a much more compassionate character, given the realisation that although everyone seems to be bumbling around in their own skin, desperate to satisfy their own needs, we are all basically parts of the same whole, dipping in and out of life experience, full of the same longings, fears, hopes.

I don't get to visit this isite (mercifully, given my long-winded replies!) very frequently, but please do let us know of any victories you may have, however modest, as it would be good to hear about them I also posted a reply to your earlier-first?- post that you may want to check back on. Good luck.

[SamLarsson2203]

I know exactly how you feel, you and i are very alike. Whenever i try to make friends they would backstab me a week later and start talking behind my back because im always depressed...

Glad someone understands...