And I push people away because I'm so miserable. I dunno how to stop feeling sad, angry, and depressed. I've tried everything! I can't be happy for anything in this world I am always unhappy with myself and life basically. I'm trying to change, but I guess I'm not trying enough. Deep down inside I'm always angry and feeling hurt, but I hide it...well at least I try to hide it. I'm fed up with people abandoning me because they either think "I'm always depressed and seeking attention from it." or "I always push them away with my negative attitude." WTF do these people expect? My life is hell right now I dunno whether I'm coming or going. I'm so numb inside that I don't even want to talk even when loved ones are around. All I be doing anywhere that I go is daze out and go into deep thought about all my problems in my life. I hate that I have to pretend and lie that I'm okay when I know I'm not. So much build up frustration and I don't know how to just "let it go." I don't intentionally be meaning to act this way and I don't think the world owes me anything I just want to be happy. I hate myself and my life, but no one knows HOW much this bothers me. I feel like I have no one to turn to, because I think people are sick of me now. Sometimes I am cheerful, but that's only because I don't want anyone to see that I'm hurting I just is suppress it. I don't even know how people is put up with me, but I wish I could control this and it seems like I can't. What's the real reason why I am always this way? I can't seem to figure out the EXACT root of the problem. I know why I am depressed, because I've been dealing with cynical depression 3 years now. When I do feel tiny bouts of contentment it's flushed away by negativity. I don't want to be bitter or resent anyone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!