Need some peoples opinions...

[Rachms11]

Hi all, so I'm 23 and haven't got much clue on what to do in life when things get hard. I'm very depressed as I am now back home after a failed engagement with my fiancé.

This is the reason for my depression.... How do people cope with a breakup after a wonderful 3 year relationship? It all fell apart when we moved in together in March. We broke up in May.

I never realised til then that you can still care about someone and love them lots but it isn't enough to last a lifetime we are just heading down different paths... It was me who panicked and realised I might not have been in actual love with him but just thought I was.

How do you get past that? I cry nearly every night in bed alone. I have constant headaches from thinking, no energy and feel so guilty and lifeless all day. I haven't had a genuine moment of happiness since March

Will it ever get ok? We haven't had any fights or anything but have cut talking back to once a week or so.

Another big question: would it help me if I moved out on my own from my parents and experienced life like that before ever considering another relationship?? Cuz I have never lived out of home before and only lasted 2 months with my old partner.

I think a lot to myself would moving away and being independant and alone help me mature and handle the real world?

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry for your suffering. It will get easier in time.

I think it is a great idea to move into your own place if you can afford it. Relying on yourself will teach you a great deal about yourself and what you want in life. I don't think anyone ever fully grows up until they leave home and make their own way in this big old world. You will learn to deal with bad times and the experience will stand you in very good stead for the rest of your life. Do it. Bev x

[secondhandrose2]

Hi

I am sorry your relationship broke down although you were right to end the relationship if you felt you were not in love with your fiance.

You say you haven't had a moment of happiness since you broke up in March - that is a very long time. The end of a relationship is a loss and as such a period of grief will be usual, however you have now been grieving for five months and given the fact that it was you who ended the relationship I do think that is unusual.

You do not say what your relationship with your parents is like although it is good that you were able to come back home after the break up. However I am wondering whether you are a rather dependant personality. You say the relationship with your fiance was really happy and yet you ended it. Now it is over you are heartbroken and back with your parents. That all suggests you are very ambivalent - possibly about leaving home, perhaps also about making a commitment to your fiance - and I am wondering whether your attachment pattern is that of being quite insecure within relationships.

I am wondering whether you have felt insecure with your parents - or conversely whether they have babied you such that you have not been enabled to mature sufficiently to leave home - either of those situations would make it difficult for you to move on and commit yourself to a long term adult relationship. It may be that you have had experiences of being insecure during your childhood, perhaps separations you were not ready for or the loss of another person such as a gran?

Suex

[Hidden]

O dear, you bring back memories of when I was twenty one. We had been with each other since we were sixteen and we broke up just before my twenty first birthday.

One thing that has brought my past back to me, I am nearly sixty five now and I still think what if. My parents broke us up and I did not go out with anyone for near on four years as I dug into my hobby and my qualifications. I kept in touch with my old group of friends even though they felt I had done something that was really bad.

With me I had a face book call by someone regards this X and I entered Her Domain, She is not well and it really hit me no more than four weeks ago.

What I am trying to explain is now I have been married for quite a long time and still I will think of people and friends fifty years ago as now many seem to be turning up their toes.

Relationships seem to go sour when we seem to move in together, I suppose it is when we close that front door we never know that person until we have that first breakfast.

The dynamics seem to change and a sort of war seems to sometimes rear it head. Generally we are ok for a time then realize this is serious, we pay the bills we have to allow for the rent etc. The fun goes out of everything as the daily trudge seems to hit us in the solar plexus. Possibly we move in together to soon or we are not really ready to take that big step.

You ask should you look for some where else too live away from family, only you can really just ask yourself are you ready ?

All I can say, are you ready to live on your own ? Is their a girl you would feel at home with, this will take away the testing relationship of the man and woman fo a time and that would make you feel independent. Before you try the living together routine again. Can your parents feel that they enjoyed the freedom when you moved out.

Just a thought

BOB

[Rachms11]

Thanks all. Secondhandrose2 we broke up end of May not March. I've had depression and anxiety before I met him. So it's been a difficult few years.

I think moving out would be good for me. Especially before living with another partner again. I'm just heartbroken but I'll be ok

[Rachms11]

Basically I want to know whether it would be good for me (someone with on n off depression n anxiety) to move out n try to be independant? And to get used to it before ever trying again with someone else??

[Photogeek]

Hi Rachs I think moving out from home is essential whether you have depression

Or not. Every parent has a duty to make sure their kids grow up

To be independent adults, living at home won't allow this princess to take place.

It's a natural thing fir young people to want to flee the best, and I find it strange

When I see people still living with parents. You will be allowed to grow up,

Cook and clean or not clean for yourself, stay up late, turn the music up, have

Friends over, have a party, sleep till late. Don't you want to do these things,

When I was a kid I lived my parents , but they had lots of silly rules, and I

Coukd not wait to live on my own and be my own person. My advice to you,

Woukd be to move out, share a flat, or live alone and see how you get on.

Why do you not do thus? What is stopping you? Otherwise you will never get

Independent and nothing will change in your life. Do your parents see this? Or

Have you talked to them about it. Forget about whether you are Depressed

Or not, that should not come into it. Step away from your parents and begin

To really live.

Hannah xx

[Brecca]

Hi.

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 2 years before moving in together. Granted I was losing my home and switching jobs at the time so I panicked and the only option was really was to move in with him. You don't know somebody until you live with them. He was a pig and left me feeling like I was nothing more than a maid. I exploded after 5 months and thankfully was able to move back in with my dad.

It hurt like hell though. Unfortunately, sometimes loving someone and having a future with them are two totally different things. You're young and have plenty of time to dust yourself off, spend time with friends and get yourself back onto whatever track you feel you need to go on. I personally wouldn't recommend living alone so soon after a long term relationship has ended.

3 years later I still think about him from time to time, but only to remind myself that there are better things in my life and I made the right decision. Give yourself time to adjust to being at home and try to fill your time with things you enjoy with people you love; you'll get there.

[Rachms11]

Thank you brecca. We got along so well. He never changed when we moved in but I did. I am stuck with constant guilt and the heart ache that it all changed for the worst not the best when we moved in. I'm worried it will ruin my future relationships. But I'm a long way off having one of those again. It didn't work out with him yet I wanted it to so badly, so I think how would it ever work with anyone else. So I've decided I'll be spending my life alone

[EmptyShell]

Best is to do meditation, it will take time, but you will cope up. Just relax yourself.

I suggest you to read "Power of Now" by Eckheart Tolle.

[Rachms11]

Thanks empty shell. This has been the most darkest days of my life. I haven't had full time work in 2 years and just started a good full time job last week in another town near me. It's good to feel like I have a purpose again. And to have a distraction. But I still feel empty and horrible. Will I ever get ok again? At the start of this year I felt on top of the world. Now I feel like I've been thrown under it

[EmptyShell in reply to Rachms11]

Well. Rachms11 trust me, I suffered from the same situation (Breakup). I relocated myself and working full-time. I go daily evening for a walk beach side and do meditation. I am much better than before.

Initially, I listen to pathwaytohappiness free Audios, some how it helped me later I started Breating Meditation daily. Than I joined this forum (Health unloked) for some help.

I went to Psychiatrist as well. he gave me some stress release medicine, I just tried it but I suggest you not to take any medicines, only take good sleep, you can have sleeping pills on doctor recommendation only.

Later I come across Eckhart Tolle and I start reading and watching his sessions on youtuve and downloaded his audio book , it helped me alot.

These all are my personal experience I am sharing it with you. Just be calm and relax. You are not here to take stress you are here to live your life. Ups and down comes and go. Whatever you believe in, I would suggest you to pray as per your religion practices this will also help you alot.

I pray you will comeover it soon. Its not easy but its achievable.

[Rachms11 in reply to EmptyShell]

Thank you. I have a problem with obsessive thinking and panic. He was my best friend. My everything. And i guess my heart broke when the reality hit me that I was unsure about how I felt. I just keep holding onto past memories. Wishing I was back where I was. I can't accept it..... It kills me.

[EmptyShell in reply to Rachms11]

Dear don't think that much... Watch some funny things and laugh, Fake laugh is also OK because the mind can not differentiate fake and a real laugh. Well, I am damn sure it's been so long you laughed..

I really understand your position, I been through it.

If you like to talk more you can come on skype.