Ok, so I am VERY confused. Yesterday, I asked to leave class, when told I could, I sat outside. I stared at a painting that said 'Happiness' and felt a sudden jerk of sadness. I then heard two men laughing, almost making me cry. As I stared at the painting still, the men came back, still laughing. At that point, I was in tears. Silent tears.
Now, today, I felt sad because I was deeply confused. My boyfriend had said, "I was depressed once, but I had a reason, because I had no dad. So, I'll see if you have depression... Why are you so sad?"
I replied with, "That's my problem, I don't actually KNOW what makes me feel this way..."
He replied with, "You're not depressed."
Coincidentally, he had said this RIGHT after I had confirmed to myself that I was depressed, which made me cry in confusion again. I stayed away from home and walked around streets for about half an hour. As I was walking home, I heard a loud roar of an engine and as I looked into the car window, I saw my teacher from yesterday. He had recognised me and smiled, which OF COURSE made me cry. He seems so happy all the time.. It confuses me SO MUCH! It seems that happiness makes me sad, but it seems absurd! Anyway, I'm supposed to be getting some help soon. But not soon enough. I don't know how to explain anything...